Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Sunday, December 7, 2014
One by One
"I change lives one by one."
This is something I felt the Lord speaking today and something that stopped me in my tracks. Living on a planet of 6 billion people sometimes i think we think we can get away with just slipping into the crowd.
The thing is that You are the One He came for. Braving the darkest of battles and looking death square in the face-- He said it's all worth it. He came for the one.
He said It's worth the battle.
It's worth the suffering.
It's worth giving up the one life I have for them to find the life and healing in My name.
This is My Son or My daughter who I long to unleash my beauty and awaken to a walk with Me that will change everything, that will release hope and healing into the barren places.
What does this idea of one by one mean? This means that you are seen, you are loved, you are intricately crafted, you have a unique story to tell the world, you don't need to fit in, you have been woven together into a love story that is centered on the beauty and fire of Christ. Comparison will only distract you from this love story. The One who holds the universe together is holding your heart and desperately longing to speak love, peace, and grace into wherever you are at in life.
You are not a number. You are not just a face in the crowd. You are the one He scaled mountains to find, the One He cries out for every single day that You would pour your heart out before Him. He so desperately wants to hear from you. Though He knows every detail of your life and your story from beginning to end He so values intimacy with you His most prized creation.
You are precious and prized in His sight. He so longs for you to know you have a place at His table. He created you to be a son or a daughter. He died for you to know you have a role in the grandest epic tale of beauty and perfection, the tale of a fierce battle between life and dark, the role of picking up your sword and fighting along this road for those have yet to see their worth in His sight.
A few nights ago God gave me a picture of a room full of women specifically. Each of them were bound with ropes and different chains. The enemy was walking around the room but before each of them was a sword. The girls were crying and saying over and over again "I didn't know it was mine, I didn't know it was mine.." But before the enemy could reach the other side of the room, a girl had gotten free and had picked up her sword. She began speaking out Scripture, she began singing over the room, and her sword was glowing. She knew the power of what she possessed, she knew who she was, and this was enough to shift the atmosphere. She began cutting off the chains and ropes of those around her and the words spoken through her were enough to shake and break the chains across the room. Girls began standing up one by one and taking the sword in their hand and were ready to face their battles. The sword I believe represents the Sword of the Spirit and the power of what we have been given through Jesus and His Word. The same Spirit who raised Him out of the grave lives in us and is the power that shifts us from the kingdom of darkness to the Kingdom of Light.
I have been reading a book recently called "Girls with Swords" and the biggest emphasis has been about being awake and alert. It has been not about losing our focus to the enemy and what he's doing but to awaken. It is to understand we have an enemy seeking to destroy us both now and what we have the potential to become in the future. God's desire in the midst of this battle is to awaken to the beauty, the majesty, the wonder, and our First Love, Jesus. A few months ago the words: "Let the beauty and wonder of My name awaken your heart and prepare you for the spiritual battles ahead." Intimacy and depth with Jesus is a key part of this warfare. You see, we serve a King who has already won. Our place in this battle is upon our knees, falling down behind the Warrior King we serve and letting Him fight for us. He is our strength, our courage, our perseverance in the face of adversity.
Isaiah 30:15 says, "In quietness and in trust is your strength".
Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."
Today, know that your heart has been won by a King who is not indifferent.
He sees, He knows, He loves you and only wants you to be you. He wants you to seek Him and to let Him unravel these lies, facades, and get rid of all the pretending. He is so deeply interested about all the details- all the unanswered questions- all the sorrows and fears-- all the future steps only He can know right now.
Sometimes you need to set it all aside- your past, your present, your future fears and set your gaze on the One who is here and now. The One who we have access to approach boldly through the blood He shed.
"Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear. One thing have I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple." -Psalm 27:4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ilqi7j4sidw "Jesus, You're Beautiful"
This is something I felt the Lord speaking today and something that stopped me in my tracks. Living on a planet of 6 billion people sometimes i think we think we can get away with just slipping into the crowd.
The thing is that You are the One He came for. Braving the darkest of battles and looking death square in the face-- He said it's all worth it. He came for the one.
He said It's worth the battle.
It's worth the suffering.
It's worth giving up the one life I have for them to find the life and healing in My name.
This is My Son or My daughter who I long to unleash my beauty and awaken to a walk with Me that will change everything, that will release hope and healing into the barren places.
What does this idea of one by one mean? This means that you are seen, you are loved, you are intricately crafted, you have a unique story to tell the world, you don't need to fit in, you have been woven together into a love story that is centered on the beauty and fire of Christ. Comparison will only distract you from this love story. The One who holds the universe together is holding your heart and desperately longing to speak love, peace, and grace into wherever you are at in life.
You are not a number. You are not just a face in the crowd. You are the one He scaled mountains to find, the One He cries out for every single day that You would pour your heart out before Him. He so desperately wants to hear from you. Though He knows every detail of your life and your story from beginning to end He so values intimacy with you His most prized creation.
You are precious and prized in His sight. He so longs for you to know you have a place at His table. He created you to be a son or a daughter. He died for you to know you have a role in the grandest epic tale of beauty and perfection, the tale of a fierce battle between life and dark, the role of picking up your sword and fighting along this road for those have yet to see their worth in His sight.
A few nights ago God gave me a picture of a room full of women specifically. Each of them were bound with ropes and different chains. The enemy was walking around the room but before each of them was a sword. The girls were crying and saying over and over again "I didn't know it was mine, I didn't know it was mine.." But before the enemy could reach the other side of the room, a girl had gotten free and had picked up her sword. She began speaking out Scripture, she began singing over the room, and her sword was glowing. She knew the power of what she possessed, she knew who she was, and this was enough to shift the atmosphere. She began cutting off the chains and ropes of those around her and the words spoken through her were enough to shake and break the chains across the room. Girls began standing up one by one and taking the sword in their hand and were ready to face their battles. The sword I believe represents the Sword of the Spirit and the power of what we have been given through Jesus and His Word. The same Spirit who raised Him out of the grave lives in us and is the power that shifts us from the kingdom of darkness to the Kingdom of Light.
I have been reading a book recently called "Girls with Swords" and the biggest emphasis has been about being awake and alert. It has been not about losing our focus to the enemy and what he's doing but to awaken. It is to understand we have an enemy seeking to destroy us both now and what we have the potential to become in the future. God's desire in the midst of this battle is to awaken to the beauty, the majesty, the wonder, and our First Love, Jesus. A few months ago the words: "Let the beauty and wonder of My name awaken your heart and prepare you for the spiritual battles ahead." Intimacy and depth with Jesus is a key part of this warfare. You see, we serve a King who has already won. Our place in this battle is upon our knees, falling down behind the Warrior King we serve and letting Him fight for us. He is our strength, our courage, our perseverance in the face of adversity.
Isaiah 30:15 says, "In quietness and in trust is your strength".
Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."
Today, know that your heart has been won by a King who is not indifferent.
He sees, He knows, He loves you and only wants you to be you. He wants you to seek Him and to let Him unravel these lies, facades, and get rid of all the pretending. He is so deeply interested about all the details- all the unanswered questions- all the sorrows and fears-- all the future steps only He can know right now.
Sometimes you need to set it all aside- your past, your present, your future fears and set your gaze on the One who is here and now. The One who we have access to approach boldly through the blood He shed.
"Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear. One thing have I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple." -Psalm 27:4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ilqi7j4sidw "Jesus, You're Beautiful"
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Faithful to me: 40/40 reflections.
For some time I've been meaning to write a blog on this summer and my experience with the 40/40...now is definitely not the prime time to write considering I have a huge project due tomorrow but sometimes you can't ignore the prompting...and the effects of senioritis already kicking in!! ;)
The official title for this trip was the 40/40 Adult Wilderness Discipleship program and it was taken through SROM, a wilderness discipleship ministry based out of Laramie, WY. The program was a mix of rock climbing, back country cooking, hiking, and mountaineering moving through some of the most beautiful untouched places with a group of people I am honored to call family. Looking back on this experience I seriously feel like 40 days like this call for some type of novel to be written...which may honestly happen one day. The truth of the matter is that I think it is impossible to enter the wilderness and not come out a completely changed person.
I want to thank my team from the bottom of my heart for the laughs, humility, crazy amount of grace, acceptance and love you each showed me over and over again on this trip. It was a beautiful glimpse of Christ that I won't ever forget. Thank you to both leaders, Becca and Nick, who selflessly led, instructed, and served our team day in and day out. Wouldn't have finished without any of you guys and I am extremely grateful for the gift of what this trip has turned out to be in my life. I know God is honestly just beginning to reveal some of the lessons from this and He will continue to unfold them as time goes on. If there is anything I learned it is that I have heck of a lot more to learn about identity, grace, and living in freedom.
As most of you know this summer going on the 40/40 was quite a leap of faith...actually it was a leap across a giant cliff with jagged rocks and rushing water beneath...needless to say a bit out of my comfort zone and then some.
From the very beginning of the trip, the Lord was speaking to me gently about grace. I had known going in to this that identity was going to be a huge aspect of the trip but to be honest, I thought I knew enough about identity to be just fine. And I think this was the very issue, I knew enough about identity to scrape by but Jesus does not want His children to scrape by. We are called to live out of a place of fullness, abundance, and freedom in Him.
From the day I knew that I was supposed to go on this trip last year in November, the tears had begun. I laugh now thinking of the night I told my story to my 40/40 team of the day I knew God wanted me on this trip...I was in the laundry room of a 15 girl cottage leaning up against the dryer and tears fell and the words spilled out into the silence: "Oh crap....God is calling me on the 40/40." Despite my resistance and doubts and protests I managed, it is so clear now that Jesus had other plans.
From day 1 of this trip I hard core struggled in more ways than I can explain...I had issues with just about everything in the wilderness from breathing while hiking, to carrying the 60 pound pack, to packing my bag everyday, to climbing during the rock climbing section, to cooking on the portable stove, and waking up anytime before 7 AM (so almost everyday haha). I remember looking up to the sky one day and asking God, "Did You just bring me here to struggle? To embarrass me? Because that is what this feels like to me."
I think this team of 11 people saw me cry and breakdown probably more than anyone has in my entire life. That scared me. Now it just makes me laugh!!
I remember various moments over the course where these truths would come to mind and I would immediately shove them down. However, the wilderness is an interesting place...things don't stay buried there. The wilderness is the place all throughout Scripture where see the Lord draw people away from the distractions, the voices, the idols, for His voice to draw forth truth out from beneath the rubble of peoples' stubborn hearts. He did this many characters in the Bible...with Elijah, with John the Baptist, and with Jesus, speaking affection, affirmation, and identity over Him before He begins His public ministry. Honestly, after this trip I am beginning to see that sometimes He has to draw you away and bring you to a place where you have no choice but to acknowledge your need before Him.
Ever since I began walking with Jesus, I have struggled to understand grace. I have had no problem believing in grace for others but the times I truly looked inward in times of trial revealed I did not believe it for myself. My summer working as the Women's Team Counselor discipling other counselors was the first season I found myself on my knees crying out for a revelation of His grace. Little did I know the following summer would be the answer that unlocked a deeper understanding of God's grace and a desire for so much more of this Jesus.
As our instructors often said, this group of people on this team had been called together "for such a time as this". We are living in an age of self-sufficiency, darkness seems to be around every corner, people don't seem to care anymore for this God, and hearts are desperately crying out for hope. I have zero doubts in my mind that Jesus Himself called every single person from all across the US to make up this team from Colorado, to Ohio, to Michigan, to New Jersey. I can say firsthand that these are some of the most selfless and hilariously awesome people I have met. We were all quite different...okay radically different.. but in the midst of it all Jesus knit together a beautifully diverse family that sharpened, encouraged, and uplifted in times of fear, weakness, and healing. Some of my favorite moments of this trip were in the little ways I saw others exude deep humility, courage, and sacrifice to see others blessed.
A friend, Anna, on the trip gave her life to Christ on the trip after searching her whole life for meaning. My other friend, Toni, got baptized on the last day on the last hike out of the wilderness in one of my favorite moments as Jesus brought so much genuine freedom. Another friend, Grass, wrote poetry literally straight from Jesus that blew everyone away every time it was read. My instructors never ceased to sing hilarious songs when any of our items were lost and found by them (can you guess I was the first to have this happen on a glacier no less..) :). Other friends, Chuck and Jon, never ceased to scrape every pot within a mile radius..but it's fine considering the 2 boys on the team had to stick together.
The trials and struggles I faced on this trip with this team revealed a few lies I hadn't realized were engrained deep down. One of those was that I could earn God's love. Looking at my "performance" in the wilderness made me see that if I actually believed love was based solely on performance then I wouldn't believe in God's love. I wouldn't measure up if that was true.
This is the complete opposite of the gospel.
The gospel is the free gift of Christ given to people separated by sin's power. We are completely dead in our sin and it is solely the grace and mercy of God that literally resurrects us from the grave and gives us new life. This revelation is one that has been breaking chains in my life for years but at this point in time, a fresh perspective on the gospel is what my heart hungered for. What a freeing revelation to realize I can't earn it, don't have to, and never will!!! Jesus has lived the perfect life you and I could never live, fulfilling the law perfectly for us. Our job is to trust in the finished work of the cross, submit to it, and live lives surrendered to Him. Surrender is something that is freeing not constrictive or limiting in any sense---this is living as the freed children of the living God!
On July 31st of the Oswald Chambers devotional at the top is written, "Til you are entirely His" with this from James 1:4:
"Let your endurance be a finished product, so that you may be finished and complete, with never a defect."
I can honestly say the wilderness tested me for all I had. It took every mental, physical, and emotional power to remain on the course and even then it was the power and joy of His Spirit that ultimately sustained me through some of the fiery trials i faced on this course. In the end I can turn my eyes to Him and say He is so unbelievably faithful.
He is faithful to complete what He begins.
He is faithful to lavish love upon hungry hearts.
He is faithful to reveal the power of the gospel in the cross of Christ.
He is faithful to be the Father who provides daily bread that stills our hearts from anxiety to a place of rest in the gospel.
He is faithful to call us to Himself every single day, to call us from the idols that steal our gaze, and to draw us before Him, the all satisfying King and desire of our hearts.
He is faithful to remind us as my instructor, Becca, said: "You are a son or daughter before you are soldier"
Though this was easily the hardest and most trying experience of my life thus far, I can say with confidence Jesus is always worth it. He was only equipping me in the wilderness for the spiritual wilderness you and I navigate every day. Lies of the enemy take root first in our mind and it is only in taking every thought captive to Him that our mind can be renewed and our lives can be living examples of the truth. Learning daily dependence on His Spirit out there is more relevant now in my life than it has ever been before.
It is true that amidst the darkness of the times we are in, the joy of the Lord is our strength. Though the world can seem like a lost cause at times, we must turn our eyes to the One who is Living Hope, who day by day is changing the world and restoring through you and me. The fire and sustaining power of the Spirit is the only way each of us can keep our lamps burning as we seek to walk faithfully through this life. We must choose to cry out in desperation for the Bread of Life and Living Water that He is. For the world to see and know we must live lives satisfied in the King.
The revelation of God's grace at this point in time has completely changed my life and revealed my desire to continue living in light of it. I am realizing Jesus is much more concerned with the journey and process than He is with "destinations". Our final and ultimate destination is heaven and only by going through the wilderness, the fire, the trials, and the valleys in this life can we live lives worthy of the calling we have received in Him.
I am coming to see and realize faith is more about endurance than it is about a sprint. Jesus is looking for the faithful who will go with Him, who will trust Him to be all He says He is, and to live lives compelled by love.
Fear may always linger or loom ahead of you but is how you choose to face them and walk on in spite of them that matters. That is walking by faith and not by sight.
Fear may always linger or loom ahead of you but is how you choose to face them and walk on in spite of them that matters. That is walking by faith and not by sight.
In a verse I clung to the night before the wilderness:
"This I know that God is for me." Psalm 56:8
You have a God in heaven who is crazy about you, whose grip of love reaches beyond the grave. Whatever you are walking through, God is for you and not against you.
As Amanda Cook sings, "You've been faithful to me. With each passing day I know it it's true.."
(Asah Photography- photo credit: Brooke Jeeries)
Sometimes you won't understand the route Jesus is taking you on. Hang on in faith. The dawning of clarity and hope is on the way. His ways and His wisdom are higher than our own.
Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.
(Asah Photography- photo credit: Brooke Jeeries)
PS-
I would highly recommend SROM courses to anyone looking for a challenge or an identity wake-up call :) Here is the site for more information: https://srom.org/courses/go/40-40/. Or message me if you are interested and want to know anything about the trip!
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Remain in Love
Someone once asked me what super power I would most like to have.
My response: Not to have to sleep and to be able to go through the night and have boundless energy.
Remembering that as I type makes me laugh because...
1. Every human being needs to rest.
2. I don't know if I could even come up with enough things to fill endless hours of time...especially when everyone else would be sleeping. :)
Today, I took a day off from life and just drove. I drove on a beautiful stretch of road to Saugatuck, MI. There were trees, deep beautiful greens on either side of me and a blue sky that reminded me what a gift it is to literally be alive. I got coffee at this awesome place in town called Uncommon Grounds and left for a random park by the water. Having time to be in the stillness, to just watch people walk by, go in random art shops, and just be still was a refreshment to my soul.
God showed me this picture this past week of being inside this huge tent. Outside storms raged, winds shook the ground, and rain fell. I was inside of the tent and a sword was being sharpened. The longer I spent in the tent the brighter the sword shone. This tent I was in represented Christ as a fortress while the sword represented the sword of the Spirit to fight in spiritual warfare.
Steffany Frizzel sings, "I've been told to pick up my sword and fight for Love, little did I know that Love had won for me."
We must return day after day to the finished work of the cross.
Apart from the cross and His sacrifice there is no grace for us, only condemnation and death which is what we deserve. The cross is the display of God's immeasurable grace for the ones He died for that we have the choice to accept and live into. Dwelling and abiding in Him is our duty and privilege. The first step towards finding greater victory for ourselves as well as for others is living from a place of confidence, belief, and rest at the foot of the cross. In this life we have the honor of loving Christ as well as partnering with Him as He restores the hearts of people around us.
It is not a selfish thing to rest.
In fact, I think it is one of the most generous things we can do because Jesus tells us to pick up our sword and fight. If He is the One leading and directing our hearts our gaze must be upon Him to direct us in our time, our efforts, and all our endeavors. They cannot prosper or succeed without Him. He is the One who establishes the work of our hands (Psalm 138:8).
He calls us deeper and deeper into His heart to discover the riches He has for those who seek His face and trust Him. We will surely be overcome by the winds, the waves, our fears, our anxieties, and our worries without our hearts directed to Him.
Faith is more of a marathon than a sprint. With this truth in mind we must remember that we are His sons and daughters and with that comes the responsibility to rest in His love. I believe often times our pride is what leads us to believe we don't need rest, we don't need to abide, and we don't need others on this journey.
Newsflash: Jesus rested. Jesus abided. Jesus had close friends. So you should too!! :)
As any married couple will tell you remaining in love after the marriage vows are said is when the real test and marathon begins. Jesus calls us to "awaken first love" and to remain abiding & deeply rooted in Him as the Vine. To do this requires intentional effort, energy, time, and above all our hearts fully surrendered to His will each day.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Remain in my love." -John 15:9
This is a call to rest. To cease striving. To humble ourselves beneath His mighty hand, and realize how fragile and weak we are alone but also the immense strength that is born when we abide in Him. To remain in love is a joyful duty that may require us to say "no" to many good things and "yes" to the best that Jesus has in store for you.
When you feel that pull on your heart to step away for a bit and rest- listen to it. I believe that to serve the Lord well on this earth and to love Him with all our hearts, minds, and strength is to find ways to rest amidst it all. Whether you're a student, a doctor, a missionary, or a mom your call to abide is the same & to jealously guard your relationship with Christ.
My response: Not to have to sleep and to be able to go through the night and have boundless energy.
Remembering that as I type makes me laugh because...
1. Every human being needs to rest.
2. I don't know if I could even come up with enough things to fill endless hours of time...especially when everyone else would be sleeping. :)
Today, I took a day off from life and just drove. I drove on a beautiful stretch of road to Saugatuck, MI. There were trees, deep beautiful greens on either side of me and a blue sky that reminded me what a gift it is to literally be alive. I got coffee at this awesome place in town called Uncommon Grounds and left for a random park by the water. Having time to be in the stillness, to just watch people walk by, go in random art shops, and just be still was a refreshment to my soul.
Last year I heard a quote that said: "Rest is a weapon given to us by God through Jesus' finished work at the cross. The enemy hates it, because he wants you stressed and occupied." (author unknown)
Some people know this but this past summer I went to the wilderness for a program called the 40/40. Before this God told me I was going to be coming into a season of rest...I had no idea what this meant. On the trip we had built in rest days and when you are hiking day in and day out 8-9 miles with a 60 pound pack when those rest days come around you are quite a happy camper :)
I remember when some of them came and I was just in desperate need of just a full on break from moving, thinking, talking, [insert anything else that requires energy besides eating]. I remember one day sitting there and realizing that how I felt physically out there is how I had often felt spiritually and emotionally back at home. However, these things are much easier to brush off, tuck away, and save for a future time (I'm sure you can relate).
God showed me this picture this past week of being inside this huge tent. Outside storms raged, winds shook the ground, and rain fell. I was inside of the tent and a sword was being sharpened. The longer I spent in the tent the brighter the sword shone. This tent I was in represented Christ as a fortress while the sword represented the sword of the Spirit to fight in spiritual warfare.
Steffany Frizzel sings, "I've been told to pick up my sword and fight for Love, little did I know that Love had won for me."
We must return day after day to the finished work of the cross.
Apart from the cross and His sacrifice there is no grace for us, only condemnation and death which is what we deserve. The cross is the display of God's immeasurable grace for the ones He died for that we have the choice to accept and live into. Dwelling and abiding in Him is our duty and privilege. The first step towards finding greater victory for ourselves as well as for others is living from a place of confidence, belief, and rest at the foot of the cross. In this life we have the honor of loving Christ as well as partnering with Him as He restores the hearts of people around us.
It is not a selfish thing to rest.
In fact, I think it is one of the most generous things we can do because Jesus tells us to pick up our sword and fight. If He is the One leading and directing our hearts our gaze must be upon Him to direct us in our time, our efforts, and all our endeavors. They cannot prosper or succeed without Him. He is the One who establishes the work of our hands (Psalm 138:8).
He calls us deeper and deeper into His heart to discover the riches He has for those who seek His face and trust Him. We will surely be overcome by the winds, the waves, our fears, our anxieties, and our worries without our hearts directed to Him.
Faith is more of a marathon than a sprint. With this truth in mind we must remember that we are His sons and daughters and with that comes the responsibility to rest in His love. I believe often times our pride is what leads us to believe we don't need rest, we don't need to abide, and we don't need others on this journey.
Newsflash: Jesus rested. Jesus abided. Jesus had close friends. So you should too!! :)
As any married couple will tell you remaining in love after the marriage vows are said is when the real test and marathon begins. Jesus calls us to "awaken first love" and to remain abiding & deeply rooted in Him as the Vine. To do this requires intentional effort, energy, time, and above all our hearts fully surrendered to His will each day.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Remain in my love." -John 15:9
This is a call to rest. To cease striving. To humble ourselves beneath His mighty hand, and realize how fragile and weak we are alone but also the immense strength that is born when we abide in Him. To remain in love is a joyful duty that may require us to say "no" to many good things and "yes" to the best that Jesus has in store for you.
When you feel that pull on your heart to step away for a bit and rest- listen to it. I believe that to serve the Lord well on this earth and to love Him with all our hearts, minds, and strength is to find ways to rest amidst it all. Whether you're a student, a doctor, a missionary, or a mom your call to abide is the same & to jealously guard your relationship with Christ.
Remain in Love,
Remain at rest.
(40/40 trip photo. Location:Thompson Lakes Credit: Kay Chen)
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Ready or Not
Ready or not I am headed to Wyoming...Very surreal to type that one.
Tomorrow (almost considered today at 11:37 pm) I will leave on a plane from O'Hare Airport for the 40/40 leadership/discipleship program into the wilderness and as I type this I don't think it has fully hit me yet...scratch that. It has not hit me yet...when it will it will probably hit me like a ton of bricks over and over again (just kidding).
It's about 8 months since I knew I was going to the wilderness but sitting here today looking over 10 different scrambled lists with cross-outs, penciled in notes, and marker streaks as well as 3 different bags full of wilderness equipment, it just got pretty darn real.
Most people when they hear i am going to the wilderness have 1 of 4 reactions.
1. They laugh and ask if they heard right..surely she said 14 days not 40 (this happened tonight in my neighbor's backyard)
2. Why would you ever do such a thing!? Followed by- why don't you go do what the normal kids do and go make some money in an internship or a nice little job in town.
3. They take me with a nice little squeeze of my arm and say have fun!
4. Why... followed by a blank stare (this just makes things uncomfortable).
The funny thing is when this has happened i have usually laughed right along with them because I know it doesn't make sense in a lot of ways...but in a lot of other ways it does.
The really funny thing to me is I feel just about as ready as I did 8 months ago. I find myself taking deeper and deeper breaths as I look at the date at my phone and I laugh to myself...mostly because I think this is literally right where Jesus wants me. Not trusting in myself but depending upon Him for strength, courage, and peace of mind on every single step even in the final days before the trip. This year has been a whirlwind and honestly one of my biggest fears comes down to health for this trip. My immune system just didn't really like me very much this year and I was sick about 70% of the time whether it was a cold, sore throat, mono, or something random. I literally got sick if I didn't get 8-9 hours of sleep and If you know me you will know how much I despise being sick, feeling sick, and having to stop doing life as usual. Sickness has been a huge thing I have been very humbled by this year... so the fact that I am going into the wilderness for 40 days is most definitely going to be a challenge on the health front.
Yet today I found myself reading Luke 9 and this verse really struck me deeply.
"When the days were approaching for His ascension, He set His face to go to Jerusalem." -Luke 9:51
In the commentary (I am obsessed with commentaries ) it says: "All along this consecrated road He walked- each step was a separate act of will." This idea of intentionality in every decision, every step has reminded me that Jesus was abandoned to His Father's will. He deliberately laid His life down for the world to know the love of the Father. John 14:31 says, "...but I do as the Father has commanded me so that the world may know the love of the Father."
This entire year the Lord has stripped me of control and reminded me again and again that my life is His. Very hard lessons but very needed for the perfectionist controller I often am. I have continuously been brought to make decisions that make little sense at the time only to look back and see His hand steadily at work in every single detail.
The thing is that every step, every breath, every day is tied to the greater reality of Christ. He is the King who has ascended and is reigning on the throne. Though there will be great adversity, suffering, challenges, intense fears to overcome, difficult relationships and people to deal with, all is working towards the glory of God. Colossians 1:16 says that "He is before all things and in Him all things hold together". Every day is written in His book and He knows every breath I will take, every choice i will make, every time I will mess up. There is a whole world out there. Many walk blinded and unaware of the reality of Christ and with hearts untouched by His healing and love. This truth is too much for me to sit around and just swallow it- God calls us to get up and GO sometimes...I would argue a lot of times even if it is just next door or to a friend we know.
I fully believe and know there will be days on this trip where I want to stop (maybe many days haha). There will most likely be times where I wonder why the heck I am doing this and wonder why I am not home in my bed listening to Jesus Culture or going out for frozen yogurt...and then that is when I pray Jesus reminds me and humbles me to my knees to remember the intensity and scale of the love I have been shown on the cross.
I am going on this trip because I believe that there is a HOPE, a LOVE, a STORY so much bigger unfolding all around us. There is a LIVING GOD who called me to go on this trip and He is crying out to be known in this generation-- to show a fatherless generation that there is an answer to their pain and emptiness-- that there is a God who longs for you to know Him.
You may be called to stay where you are and get a job, go work at a camp, or travel across the world-- what matters is that you are seeking to do the will of God and give His name glory wherever you are. For me, this summer happens to hold a trip to wilderness- that is absolutely no better than any other trip/job/ thing that anyone else is called to do.
I think of this song by Meredith Andrews and it echoes the cry of my heart, "Break what needs breaking til You are all they see, Start with me." This year has revealed so many different reasons- big and small- for going on this. Though it intimidates me and scares me in a lot of ways (i could make you a nice long list that runs off the page) I turn my eyes to JESUS and remember He is worth it. He is always worth it. If God can use this trip in future ways to share and spread the gospel than this is no sacrifice of time, money, energy, or effort. It is an inexpressible gift to go.
I am consistently reminded as I pray over this trip that it is His kindness drawing me to the wilderness. I know this is just another small season of encountering Christ and coming to know His heart. Though it is the biggest leap of faith yet I believe there are even bigger ones around the bend and this is just preparation.
Though fear has been a looming part of the past 8 months I have seen Him be a fortress in ways I have yet to even understand. He has shown me how to cling to Him in joy, in sickness, in confusion, in hope and that in this life it is a grace to cling to Him in a world that thinks it has everything it needs. The reality is you have been created to not only know Christ but NEED Him. Life carries a richness and depth when you realize every moment was paid for on the cross. Everything is tied to Him.
Three years ago I walked around with death in my heart, hopeless, and searching for something, someone to fill me up. Then I came to know and encounter a Beautiful King. Jesus broke through cement walls of darkness and tore the veil of darkness over my heart. This has radically changed my life and I know it will change others' lives. Heck, it IS changing lives right now!!! The cross is meant to impact every facet of life and that is literally my deepest prayer for this world and those I love.
Though I feel far from completely ready for this trip, I know I am right where i am supposed to be. I trust and believe that. I know God has equipped me day by day for every step of the journey ahead in His wisdom. He has blessed and encouraged me through the prayers of friends, support of family, and through His Word & just time spent with Him these past 8 months. My only prayer is that I go into this trip with open hands and an open and humble heart to receive whatever He has for me. I know that He will use this trip for His glory and that's all i really need in this moment to take the next step out the door as it officially begins.
So here we go, Wyoming.
Ready or not.
Tomorrow (almost considered today at 11:37 pm) I will leave on a plane from O'Hare Airport for the 40/40 leadership/discipleship program into the wilderness and as I type this I don't think it has fully hit me yet...scratch that. It has not hit me yet...when it will it will probably hit me like a ton of bricks over and over again (just kidding).
It's about 8 months since I knew I was going to the wilderness but sitting here today looking over 10 different scrambled lists with cross-outs, penciled in notes, and marker streaks as well as 3 different bags full of wilderness equipment, it just got pretty darn real.
Most people when they hear i am going to the wilderness have 1 of 4 reactions.
1. They laugh and ask if they heard right..surely she said 14 days not 40 (this happened tonight in my neighbor's backyard)
2. Why would you ever do such a thing!? Followed by- why don't you go do what the normal kids do and go make some money in an internship or a nice little job in town.
3. They take me with a nice little squeeze of my arm and say have fun!
4. Why... followed by a blank stare (this just makes things uncomfortable).
The funny thing is when this has happened i have usually laughed right along with them because I know it doesn't make sense in a lot of ways...but in a lot of other ways it does.
The really funny thing to me is I feel just about as ready as I did 8 months ago. I find myself taking deeper and deeper breaths as I look at the date at my phone and I laugh to myself...mostly because I think this is literally right where Jesus wants me. Not trusting in myself but depending upon Him for strength, courage, and peace of mind on every single step even in the final days before the trip. This year has been a whirlwind and honestly one of my biggest fears comes down to health for this trip. My immune system just didn't really like me very much this year and I was sick about 70% of the time whether it was a cold, sore throat, mono, or something random. I literally got sick if I didn't get 8-9 hours of sleep and If you know me you will know how much I despise being sick, feeling sick, and having to stop doing life as usual. Sickness has been a huge thing I have been very humbled by this year... so the fact that I am going into the wilderness for 40 days is most definitely going to be a challenge on the health front.
Yet today I found myself reading Luke 9 and this verse really struck me deeply.
"When the days were approaching for His ascension, He set His face to go to Jerusalem." -Luke 9:51
In the commentary (I am obsessed with commentaries ) it says: "All along this consecrated road He walked- each step was a separate act of will." This idea of intentionality in every decision, every step has reminded me that Jesus was abandoned to His Father's will. He deliberately laid His life down for the world to know the love of the Father. John 14:31 says, "...but I do as the Father has commanded me so that the world may know the love of the Father."
This entire year the Lord has stripped me of control and reminded me again and again that my life is His. Very hard lessons but very needed for the perfectionist controller I often am. I have continuously been brought to make decisions that make little sense at the time only to look back and see His hand steadily at work in every single detail.
The thing is that every step, every breath, every day is tied to the greater reality of Christ. He is the King who has ascended and is reigning on the throne. Though there will be great adversity, suffering, challenges, intense fears to overcome, difficult relationships and people to deal with, all is working towards the glory of God. Colossians 1:16 says that "He is before all things and in Him all things hold together". Every day is written in His book and He knows every breath I will take, every choice i will make, every time I will mess up. There is a whole world out there. Many walk blinded and unaware of the reality of Christ and with hearts untouched by His healing and love. This truth is too much for me to sit around and just swallow it- God calls us to get up and GO sometimes...I would argue a lot of times even if it is just next door or to a friend we know.
I fully believe and know there will be days on this trip where I want to stop (maybe many days haha). There will most likely be times where I wonder why the heck I am doing this and wonder why I am not home in my bed listening to Jesus Culture or going out for frozen yogurt...and then that is when I pray Jesus reminds me and humbles me to my knees to remember the intensity and scale of the love I have been shown on the cross.
I am going on this trip because I believe that there is a HOPE, a LOVE, a STORY so much bigger unfolding all around us. There is a LIVING GOD who called me to go on this trip and He is crying out to be known in this generation-- to show a fatherless generation that there is an answer to their pain and emptiness-- that there is a God who longs for you to know Him.
You may be called to stay where you are and get a job, go work at a camp, or travel across the world-- what matters is that you are seeking to do the will of God and give His name glory wherever you are. For me, this summer happens to hold a trip to wilderness- that is absolutely no better than any other trip/job/ thing that anyone else is called to do.
I think of this song by Meredith Andrews and it echoes the cry of my heart, "Break what needs breaking til You are all they see, Start with me." This year has revealed so many different reasons- big and small- for going on this. Though it intimidates me and scares me in a lot of ways (i could make you a nice long list that runs off the page) I turn my eyes to JESUS and remember He is worth it. He is always worth it. If God can use this trip in future ways to share and spread the gospel than this is no sacrifice of time, money, energy, or effort. It is an inexpressible gift to go.
I am consistently reminded as I pray over this trip that it is His kindness drawing me to the wilderness. I know this is just another small season of encountering Christ and coming to know His heart. Though it is the biggest leap of faith yet I believe there are even bigger ones around the bend and this is just preparation.
Though fear has been a looming part of the past 8 months I have seen Him be a fortress in ways I have yet to even understand. He has shown me how to cling to Him in joy, in sickness, in confusion, in hope and that in this life it is a grace to cling to Him in a world that thinks it has everything it needs. The reality is you have been created to not only know Christ but NEED Him. Life carries a richness and depth when you realize every moment was paid for on the cross. Everything is tied to Him.
Three years ago I walked around with death in my heart, hopeless, and searching for something, someone to fill me up. Then I came to know and encounter a Beautiful King. Jesus broke through cement walls of darkness and tore the veil of darkness over my heart. This has radically changed my life and I know it will change others' lives. Heck, it IS changing lives right now!!! The cross is meant to impact every facet of life and that is literally my deepest prayer for this world and those I love.
Though I feel far from completely ready for this trip, I know I am right where i am supposed to be. I trust and believe that. I know God has equipped me day by day for every step of the journey ahead in His wisdom. He has blessed and encouraged me through the prayers of friends, support of family, and through His Word & just time spent with Him these past 8 months. My only prayer is that I go into this trip with open hands and an open and humble heart to receive whatever He has for me. I know that He will use this trip for His glory and that's all i really need in this moment to take the next step out the door as it officially begins.
So here we go, Wyoming.
Ready or not.
"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.."
[Hosea 2:14]
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Breaking Through: Unstoppable Love
Thick cement & gravel cleanly paved clung to the ground,
Gripping the soil beneath,
Pressing it down,
compacting the life beneath.
A crack splinters through at the very center,
unleashing a burst of fiery red.
A Rose emerges,
driving away weeds, and ragged layers of cement.
Gravel litters the ground in piles,
a product of the emergence.
Twisting, writhing, and bursting towards the Sun.
Unstoppable Love, unrelenting Fire.
Something the Lord has gripped my heart with recently is the beautiful truth that He has won my heart.
This season has been an interesting one in that the Lord has continued to remind me of the relentless distractions, constant media frenzy, and the endless roads we could choose to take to get somewhere in life. There are so many choices literally every single place you turn. I don't know about you but I often get overwhelmed by things like huge menus and that is how I believe almost everything in life has become.
Last night, I went to the movies for the first time in a long time and about 2 minutes into the previews my mouth was literally almost open to the ground. As everyone sat there laughing I was literally tempted to get up and leave. It literally astounded me the language and just how completely vulgar the entire thing was.
Over the past 3 years I have managed to cut out a lot of the junk I used to consume for hours on a daily basis from E! News to things like Intouch and People magazine. I got sucked into the lives of famous person after famous person as they went through break up after break up, marriage after marriage. All of them chasing this dream of fame and fortune that only seemed to lead them down a deeper well of endless emptiness.
John Piper quotes C.S. Lewis in "Weight of Glory" saying:
[If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased]
Isn't that just it? We are too easily pleased, choosing to mindlessly consume whatever is put before us. We can get so consumed with our own stories that we forget what is the overarching story over it all. Though I don't follow Hollywood anymore, I have plenty of other things in my life that distract me more than they should and things that have only taken the place of the things I have walked away from. The change now is my focus is on how I can treasure and know Christ more not a list of things I have to avoid at all costs.
My perspective has changed because I am coming to see that all of life is warfare.
Whether you choose to agree with me or not it is the truth. The truth of this is across page after page in the Bible and it is our duty to daily take up His armor and fight. During certain times and seasons you will feel the heat of the battle more than others and the temptation is to focus on the darkness. An entry from a journal this year reminds me that our job is to keep our eyes upon the Beautiful One, allowing Him to direct our attention and our hearts on how to fight what is at hand.
Above all things this is a fight for your heart.
His love has broken through to win your heart but there are also powers at work to snatch your heart's focus as well as the hearts of those around you.
Paul writes that our fight is not against flesh and blood but against power and principalities of darkness (Ephesians 6:12).
This is a fight for your attention, your dreams, your will, and your daily focus. I believe all of these things stem from where your heart is anchored. Only by His strength and grace can we labor to keep Him anchored as our First Love. Oswald Chambers refers to it as the "labor of worship"- using all of your heart and all of your strength to keep Christ first. We are called to open our hearts and lives daily to the grace of Christ so He may fill us with His dreams, His desires, and His passions. When approaching the end of his life Paul writes "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" (2 Timothy 4:7). You do not have the power within you to withstand the winds and waves but through Christ and His power you can stand strong.
Satan desperately wants for you to lose your First Love.
For so many in the world he doesn't even want them to know that this love exists!! All he wants is for you to be so numbed by distractions and decisions that you slip into daily life completely unaware and out of touch with the very reason you are alive. As Paul talks to the church of Corinth warning them of the false apostles proclaiming a different Jesus he says in 2 Corinthians 11:3 "For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ. But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led away from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ."
Pure, sincere, and deepening devotion to Christ is the reason why you're alive but this world is constantly trying to pull and drag you in the opposite direction. Your weapons? Community, the Word of God, prayer, finding activities and things that stir your affections for heaven, investing time to know and seek His heart. What a gift we get to fill our lives with these things!
Walking away from this movie I literally wanting to shout "THANK YOU, JESUS!" but I restrained myself. I literally stepped away thanking God that my life was not revolving around the media, other peoples' lives, cheap media entertainment that is overly vulgar, or even my own story for that matter. As a Christian we have the profound gift to have a life that centers on His story. It is the story of grace, beauty, and redemption unfolding all around us every single day. I am completely imperfect and broken and I do not claim to do this flawlessly- half the time I end up on my knees crying out for help because I have no idea what to do.
The power of the cross is that He has broken down every wall and torn the thickness of the veil of sin that stood between us and our Creator. The gospel reminds me daily that my Beautiful King has shattered the cement lying over my dead heart and stripped away the scales on my eyes to live differently. He has rescued me because He delighted in me and in response I get to treasure and know Him every day that I am alive.
Psalm 119 says, "My soul clings to dust, give me life according to your word."
This great love continues to break through but it is up to me to turn towards my Father and to ask Him to clear the dust that clings to my soul.
This breakthrough of love is one that unlocks a process. This process has begun for His hands to remove the weeds of intense fear of the future, worry for the present, and washing away the pain of past disappointments and hurts-- a sometimes painfully slow, unfolding process that sometimes leaves us impatient and dying to know why God is doing what He is. When I decided to follow Christ I never knew the depths of the process that was just beginning. It has been one of uprooting, clearing out, filling, emptying, and refining.
I believe that even as Christians we can choose to fill our lives with a whole lot of dust. We can choose to befriend so many people that it becomes easy to stay surface level and never dig into the changes and deep things of the heart. We can choose to watch endless hours of Netflix instead of choosing to ask ourselves where we're actually at with Jesus. We can choose to keep things in our heart hidden, tucked away, suffocating our fears until they emerge as tears and bitterness in our lives.
The choice belongs to you.
The break through is that He has stormed the gates of hell to win back your heart. This is no fairytale love that only exists in the movies.
This is the deep, all powerful, chain-breaking love that takes people destined to live and dwell in the darkness and draws them into the healing and perfect light of a King who remakes and changes lives every single day.
He is calling out, beckoning for you to reach out and see that He has always been there. Investing your life in Him can unleash a breakthrough of heaven in your life here and now as well as tiny break throughs day after day as He changes you, molds you, and strips you of the weights that cling to you.
The silence has been broken.
Open your heart and you'll see the song of heaven is being sung over your life for the gates of heaven are open. Jesus, the most radical of loves, comes to open your eyes, widen your gaze, and remind you there is no higher pleasure, no higher Treasure than what we have received as children of the King. Colossians 3:1-2 stands as the reminder. Set your heart, set your gaze, and be lavished in the love and mercy that falls upon His children every day.
His love is breaking through.
You broke into the silence and sang a song of Hope.
A melody resounding in the deep of my soul.
You have come running, You tore down every wall;
All the while shouting My love you're worth it all.
-"Unstoppable Love" Jesus Culture
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Streets of Glory
A stony path remains.
Laden with dust and buried dreams,
Swallowed hopes and scattered expectations.
Windows magnify the dark that hovers,
Cementing chairs to their ground and people to their places.
Voices sneer and echo phantom songs.
Numbed chords drumming through hopeless hearts.
Suddenly a child emerges.
Clothed in light with eyes of golden hope
and beaming with a flame’s touch.
Eyes suddenly lift to view this curious sight,
this disruption to the darkness.
Burnt out lights strung heavy and high above the road
ignite.
Magnificent lights crackle and burn,
A constantly shifting rainbow of colors, fading in and out.
Bleeding reds, emeralds, and ocean sapphires flash of hope.
Darkened eyes slowly drift to the Source of glory upon her,
Instantly fascinated, these eyes now reflect each burst one by one
as mouths stand
open in awe.
Wide-eyed and breathless,
This child dances along the road.
A carrier of the Hope to come,
A child carrying the name of King Jesus,
the only One whose name brings fire, whose name births
change and life where there was once death.
Eyes gleaming and hands lifted,
The touch of His fire sets their feet into swift motion.
Stones quickly crumble,
a golden road emerges
as a swift wind carries the rubble.
Heaven’s curtains drift open over the path,
Splitting a darkened sky of faint stars.
A mere glimpse will steal the hearts of the hopeless,
Burning them with the glory and renown of the Healer.
Fires flash in hopeless eyes as the King is revealed.
Magnificent fires stream from His wings,
To permeate deep layers of darkness,
To lavish the richness of true love to hearts who have never
known the goodness of the Father
Dead to hopelessness,
Hearts freely beat beneath the wings of the Almighty One.
Throwing chain after chain,
layer after layer,
Only to reveal the gold that lies beneath.
Streets shout of life,
Pouring forth the fame of the Healer.
A people beaming the reality of Living Hope,
Constant songs burst to shake the ground
And one by one ruined hopes are lifted up from the ashes.
His breath stirs and sifts the ashes of lost dreams,
To awaken true callings and purpose.
To know Him, to glorify Him,
To make Him known,
To be His, to delight in Him all of their days.
To live in faith and trust despite the surroundings, a
challenge to be taken with abandon and diligence.
To live to see others healed and found in Him, everything we
were created for.
To remain a child in wonder, the highest joy.
With eyes fixated on the face of the Redeemer
and heart set on knowing the Perfect One, not a perfect life.
With eyes fixated on the face of the Redeemer
and heart set on knowing the Perfect One, not a perfect life.
To live with a heart stolen by the Love and Beautiful One, the
greatest gift of grace and favor we could ever dare to receive.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkGQG3V2Ayw "Wonder" by: Bethel Live.
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