It is well with my soul

Do you ever have one of those times where you can't stop laughing?

It rises up in you.
That smile just tugs at the corners of your mouth and can't help but fill your soul.  This was my night last night as I talked with one of my best friends, Jessica, about the whirlwind of the past months and my life at the moment.

Looking back over my shoulder, at my very present moment, and into this coming year, I am overjoyed.

If I truly examine the core substance of my life, I find Christ.
I find the most beautiful and extravagant Love winding its way through my veins, uprooting broken pieces of me to make me more whole.  Pushing its way through my spreading roots is Love Himself, emerging with power and brilliance to touch the depths of my heart in ways I didn't dream of.

And as I glance back over the past few months, I stand awestruck with just how faithful God is in bringing me to know Him more through these experiences.  Knocked down in my frailty as a person and coming face to face with a wall of my own insecurities and limitations, I was brought to my knees before Him.  

And if you would have asked me in the midst of this summer if I felt this joy, I would say no.  I felt confused, misdirected, frustrated, and my continuous prayer was solely for clarity and a solid direction to move in as I questioned what He could possibly be doing...

And as the summer came to a close, I came to see why.  

Clearly spelling this out was a blog from Pastor Steven Furtick that I stumbled upon a few nights ago highlighting this verse which says, "It is the glory of God to conceal things..." (Proverbs 25:2).  

Furtick writes, "The point isn’t for God to make His will plain. His will isn’t the main objective. He is the main objective. He wants you to discover Him above all else."

In Philippians 3:12 Paul strips down his life calling, purpose, and reason being "to know Him and the power of his resurrection." 

And as I allow these words to blaze through my heart, I find myself desiring more of Christ. I find this deep yearning to know this incredible God, to give other people this Treasure of who He is, and ignite their hearts to live for something so much more glorious.

This was my summer. To understand that what I have been given in Christ is not a heap of spiritual blessings or a crutch to lean on, but Christ Himself. This incredible revelation of Christ crucified is meant to transform everything, driving your moments forward in purpose towards "the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 3:14).    

I sit here typing and am still in wonder at the incredible lessons I gained in Christ through seeking Him amidst the lack of clarity. 

Christ ignited my heart by teaching me to trust His leading. He taught me these things:

• to articulate the gospel and what it means to die to the self and allow Christ to reign (Galatians 2:20-21) 
• the power of intentionality with people and sharing the gospel (Colossians 4:2),
• the power of prayer and asking in faith (Matt. 21:22)
• to treasure the wisdom and seeking out insight as it comes (Proverbs 3:7-9)
• to abide solely in His arms (John 15:4)
• to see His wisdom will be lavished on us when we ask...just in a very different way than we desire through trials or being stretched (James 1:5)

And most important of all, I have been shown and brought to the beautiful truth that the sole purpose of my life is to know Him. Isn't there so much freedom in this? The purpose is not to hurdle forward in my life with a bunch of to-do lists and striving but to rest in the Savior's arms and find the highest joy in treasuring Him and sharing this gift with those around.

Knowing Christ intimately and deeply is the reason I have been created to walk this earth. It is the reason you reading this have been crafted and woven into the wonderful person that you are. It in knowing Christ more that our hearts are set ablaze by the Spirit because without Him we are nothing, can do nothing, and are aimlessly living for ourselves. Christ died to save you from that life.  He died to make your one true desire making Him known and exalted in your world because He knows it will be your highest joy above all else.  

Psalm 23:5 says, "...you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." You will overflow  with joy and soul-filling purpose when you have Christ because He dwells within you. In Christ your Savior you find your meaning.

I joyfully pen this blog with deeper insight and confidence in a God who truly is faithful to fulfill His promises in perfect timing.  This summer, I always prayed for the answers to be clearly laid in my path in my timing as I overlooked the very person of Christ sharpening, teaching me, and emerging from within me to prepare me for the coming year. He knew I needed those very lessons I listed above for the call He has placed on my heart with Cru.  And in whatever manner this vision plays out, success or failure, I came to know Him more in the process and will continue to.

I will sing, "It is well with my soul" because every waking moment He is piecing together my brokenness until the day of Christ when it will be complete (Phil. 1:6)  I sing because He increasingly unveils Himself to me as I behold His glory within my heart to extend into the hearts of those around me (2 Cor. 3:18).

I praise this amazing God who inspires trust.
I praise Him who inspires risks in His name, not because they will always succeed or thrive but because of how all of us can be brought closer into an intimate relationship of knowing our beautiful Savior in the process.  I praise Him who chooses to hide our next step so that we may come to know and trust Him more. I step out in faith, holding His hand in joyful trust "in order that I may gain Christ" and share that with others (Phil. 3:8) 

And what more is life than this? 

To understand the anchor to my soul is Christ alone, 
to know I have the privilege to share His fullness in this coming year in incredible ways,
to know that the Creator of the universe knows the depths of my sinful heart and loves me all the same. 

Oh yes, I sing "It is well with my soul" because You are here, You are now, and You give me the most beautiful hope I could ever imagine simply in who You are to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2xYMa6zA3c

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Was nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, It is well, with my soul

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Silence and rain

In silence and rain I sit.
Beneath skies of thick white clouds, silence blankets me, and my soul rests in the still of this moment. Cars hurdle onward,
streets blur with traffic,
rain blurs my efforts to write as ink runs, nearly erasing each word.

1899-1924

25 years old, the sharpest age, and the prime of life. Only 6 years more lived than myself.
An uneven bumpy cross sits atop this woman's headstone.  And now nearly a century later, does her name carry any weight?
A name engraved and etched into a stone long after she has pushed through the doors of this world.

Did she live for You Lord?
Is this a default cross to match the surrounding ones?

Drops fall upon this space,
Beating down upon this silence, this stagnant tick of the clock 88 years later.

This fierce love, this sacrifice You gave.
Did she seize hold of this purpose buried within her heart?
This breath You breathed into her, did she breathe it back out for You adoring, treasuring, admiring, and spending this life upon You?

Clothes soaked and drenched by drops steadily falling faster,
I find this deep rooted yearning for You in this moment.
For myself and beyond that, this world to come to grips with the freedom You offer at the cross.
For people whose eyes have been opened to step outside and dwell upon the emptied eyes craving Your beauty.
For my own selfish ambitions to die and for my soul to be further awakened to Christ's very life emerging and extending to touch hearts around me.

Rising up from sitting on the ground, I weave my way back to my car to sit beneath the covering of a car roof.
Opening my journal to continue without the batter of rain, I click on the on button for the radio and I know You were listening to my prayers. Blasting through the speakers is a song, the song, that fired my soul to spend this life upon you last year.

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You
If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back.

And how could I choose to live differently? How could fear have a handle on any aspect of my life?
How could I allow minor things of the past overshadow the beauty of Christ that continues to enrich my heart, mind, and soul?

If this Truth I have felt awakening my soul is tangible and real, how could my life look the same as it did before? 
How could I not stand for You? 
No matter what people say, if I fail or succeed, whether the risks I take for You are torn to shreds or if they are part of Your plan to bring people home to You, if my life pans out exactly the way I believe is best or my path is diverted, if I find myself breaking at the seams and at the same time overflowing with the sweetest love of all at the core of my being?

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." -Philippians 3:8

Through seeking You with my whole heart, I will have nothing to regret.  Burning away every distraction and all of the clutter, I have been created to know You so that others might come to know You.

Today, in this moment, You are calling us.
To be a living testament everyday to Your saving grace and saving love,
To be set ablaze by the Spirit.

To be used so they may see and understand, taste Your beauty and fall into Your arms.

A world looks on and marvels at this flame You have lit burning in our souls as they find themselves drawn into Your love, becoming alive in Your glory,
A world glances all around for a source to be grasped in their hands, but it is You.
Your love is all around,
in the air we breathe, the purpose igniting our hearts, the life blood pumping through our veins pushing us to persevere to that day.

I will stand before this God at the end of my life.
The purest vision of my God and King:
Hair flowing and white as snow,
Eyes the fiercest of flames,
swelling with the jealousy You had for me before time wrapped me in its arms.
Roaring like a lion is the voice of Truth to guard and protect my fragile heart all the days of my life,
A face blindingly bright and beaming with glory that stuns my soul.

In silence and rain I sit and meditate on Your glory, this mere glimpse of who You are offered to us.
I sit and meditate on the freedom in this gospel that releases my fears.
I dwell upon the riches of Your love already given to me and am propelled forward in passion:
To share, to spread, to proclaim, to teach, to live out, to pray to You in this very season of my life.

Nothing more to offer this beautiful Savior other than a life proclaiming Majesty.
No more to give of myself to this world than a life that both whispers and screams, "I adore You"

The cry of my heart, Jesus, is to simply say I love you.
From beginning to end, no matter what trials come my direction,
the amount of tears that pour out of the brokenness,
the times I jump for the soul-filling joy You place in my heart,
or the days I doubt Your plan for me,
may I constantly abide in Your love.

May every day that my feet hit the floor be one where the gospel reshapes and transforms me to be more like You and less like me.
May every moment be overflowing in joy and thankfulness so I may recognize the true gift of grace that it is to wake up every single morning.

I pray that your soul would be awakened to the truth you have been created for something so amazing, so glorious, and so wonderful in having an intimate relationship with the King of Kings. He so desperately wants for you to know Him right now to experience His presence and life, for it is in knowing Him you find His fullness pushing aside your brokenness to make you whole. Don't wait another day wondering why you are here on this earth.

Your purpose, reason, and desire is found in Christ alone.

I pray that the simple and blunt dash that will one day be etched on a stone will be a legacy solely proclaiming the majesty of Christ who brought me to be united with Him.

My prayer for each person who reads this is that the reality of how short your life is would hit you, wreck you, and change you. I pray you would find it within yourself to have the courage to look at your life and ask yourself in honesty if you would be okay with your life if you died tomorrow.

Would you be bolder?
Would you trust Him more with your story?
Would you take more risks in sharing your faith?
Would you pursue a new calling?
What would you do differently?

Today is the day for a new beginning.

"The dead do not praise the Lord 

nor do any who go down into silence...

But we will bless the Lord, 

from this time forth and forevermore, 

Praise the Lord!" 

{Psalm 115:18}

(Revelation 1 was used when I spoke of the vision of Christ. I highly recommend reading through all of  that chapter.)

To know Christ: Part I

To meet with Him on your knees, desiring at the latest hour through the aches and pains of life to lay your burdens and joy all the same at His feet, 
To hunger for His sweet wisdom to be crowned on your head and filling your thoughts despite the sting of discipline carried with it,
To incline your ears in eager anticipation for His leading whispers,
To dwell richly upon the gospel that resets your wayward heart,
To arise each morning to find a Savior who seizes your heart daily,
To struggle  and wrestle both in prayer and action for those who stumble so they may be set firmly on the path of truth you've found,
To breathe Love Himself into conservations instead of assuming and dancing around Him,
To increasingly understand His love completes your soul in a way no other relationship can,
To trust that through the tears and struggles, your heart grows steadfast and is refined by this flame,
To humble your standing as an unlovely creature made beautiful and lifted to reflect true glory
To whole heartedly believe His brilliant plan draws you to participate in redemption of the brokenness all around,
To confidently risk, believing His love will catch you thousandfold,
To embrace each season of your life with open arms as a chapter of your ministry to be fulfilled.

To know Him is more than motions,
more than a hollow song,
more than an empty fleeting prayer.

To know Him is to release the seen and tangible dying in your grip to obtain the fullness in the glory of the unseen
To know this God is to raise your hands for the depth of gratitude your heart now sings
To know this God is to continuously lift up your shattered shards of brokenness to the God who makes all things new
To consistently bring to light a sinful heart buried within to be made new by a Healer
To be wrecked on a daily basis so that He might increase within.

To know You, Jesus, is to never have enough, 
to never be satisfied, 
to press deeper into Your tender heart,
to catch the desperate and saving flame of Your name,
to allow this fire to burn so intimately and deeply that we choose to look outward and upward to your calling on us, beholding the glory of Your name and treasuring every moment we are gifted with to know You more.

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ, and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."