Beneath skies of thick white clouds, silence blankets me, and my soul rests in the still of this moment. Cars hurdle onward,
streets blur with traffic,
rain blurs my efforts to write as ink runs, nearly erasing each word.
1899-1924
25 years old, the sharpest age, and the prime of life. Only 6 years more lived than myself.
An uneven bumpy cross sits atop this woman's headstone. And now nearly a century later, does her name carry any weight?
A name engraved and etched into a stone long after she has pushed through the doors of this world.
Did she live for You Lord?
Is this a default cross to match the surrounding ones?
Drops fall upon this space,
Beating down upon this silence, this stagnant tick of the clock 88 years later.
This fierce love, this sacrifice You gave.
Did she seize hold of this purpose buried within her heart?
This breath You breathed into her, did she breathe it back out for You adoring, treasuring, admiring, and spending this life upon You?
Clothes soaked and drenched by drops steadily falling faster,
I find this deep rooted yearning for You in this moment.
For myself and beyond that, this world to come to grips with the freedom You offer at the cross.
For people whose eyes have been opened to step outside and dwell upon the emptied eyes craving Your beauty.
For my own selfish ambitions to die and for my soul to be further awakened to Christ's very life emerging and extending to touch hearts around me.
Rising up from sitting on the ground, I weave my way back to my car to sit beneath the covering of a car roof.
Opening my journal to continue without the batter of rain, I click on the on button for the radio and I know You were listening to my prayers. Blasting through the speakers is a song, the song, that fired my soul to spend this life upon you last year.
I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You
If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back.
And how could I choose to live differently? How could fear have a handle on any aspect of my life?
How could I allow minor things of the past overshadow the beauty of Christ that continues to enrich my heart, mind, and soul?
If this Truth I have felt awakening my soul is tangible and real, how could my life look the same as it did before?
How could I not stand for You?
No matter what people say, if I fail or succeed, whether the risks I take for You are torn to shreds or if they are part of Your plan to bring people home to You, if my life pans out exactly the way I believe is best or my path is diverted, if I find myself breaking at the seams and at the same time overflowing with the sweetest love of all at the core of my being?
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." -Philippians 3:8
Through seeking You with my whole heart, I will have nothing to regret. Burning away every distraction and all of the clutter, I have been created to know You so that others might come to know You.
Today, in this moment, You are calling us.
To be a living testament everyday to Your saving grace and saving love,
To be set ablaze by the Spirit.
To be used so they may see and understand, taste Your beauty and fall into Your arms.
A world looks on and marvels at this flame You have lit burning in our souls as they find themselves drawn into Your love, becoming alive in Your glory,
A world glances all around for a source to be grasped in their hands, but it is You.
Your love is all around,
in the air we breathe, the purpose igniting our hearts, the life blood pumping through our veins pushing us to persevere to that day.
I will stand before this God at the end of my life.
The purest vision of my God and King:
Hair flowing and white as snow,
Eyes the fiercest of flames,
swelling with the jealousy You had for me before time wrapped me in its arms.
Roaring like a lion is the voice of Truth to guard and protect my fragile heart all the days of my life,
A face blindingly bright and beaming with glory that stuns my soul.
In silence and rain I sit and meditate on Your glory, this mere glimpse of who You are offered to us.
I sit and meditate on the freedom in this gospel that releases my fears.
I dwell upon the riches of Your love already given to me and am propelled forward in passion:
To share, to spread, to proclaim, to teach, to live out, to pray to You in this very season of my life.
Nothing more to offer this beautiful Savior other than a life proclaiming Majesty.
No more to give of myself to this world than a life that both whispers and screams, "I adore You"
The cry of my heart, Jesus, is to simply say I love you.
From beginning to end, no matter what trials come my direction,
the amount of tears that pour out of the brokenness,
the times I jump for the soul-filling joy You place in my heart,
or the days I doubt Your plan for me,
may I constantly abide in Your love.
May every day that my feet hit the floor be one where the gospel reshapes and transforms me to be more like You and less like me.
May every moment be overflowing in joy and thankfulness so I may recognize the true gift of grace that it is to wake up every single morning.
I pray that your soul would be awakened to the truth you have been created for something so amazing, so glorious, and so wonderful in having an intimate relationship with the King of Kings. He so desperately wants for you to know Him right now to experience His presence and life, for it is in knowing Him you find His fullness pushing aside your brokenness to make you whole. Don't wait another day wondering why you are here on this earth.
Your purpose, reason, and desire is found in Christ alone.
I pray that the simple and blunt dash that will one day be etched on a stone will be a legacy solely proclaiming the majesty of Christ who brought me to be united with Him.
My prayer for each person who reads this is that the reality of how short your life is would hit you, wreck you, and change you. I pray you would find it within yourself to have the courage to look at your life and ask yourself in honesty if you would be okay with your life if you died tomorrow.
Would you be bolder?
Would you trust Him more with your story?
Would you take more risks in sharing your faith?
Would you pursue a new calling?
What would you do differently?
Today is the day for a new beginning.
"The dead do not praise the Lord
nor do any who go down into silence...
But we will bless the Lord,
from this time forth and forevermore,
Praise the Lord!"
{Psalm 115:18}
(Revelation 1 was used when I spoke of the vision of Christ. I highly recommend reading through all of that chapter.)
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