This is what I feel God whisper to me when I feel doubtful every time my eyes stray from the cross and I decide to make this life my own.
My mind races through the next four years of college, different friendships in my life I don't feel I have done enough in, people God has put on my heart, keeping up with classes, searching for and wanting to fulfill God's will for my life, finding a man who loves Christ more than I do, and living the best life that I possibly can to serve and shine for God here.
Look at Peter. Believing in God He steps off of the boat and as he sees the wind, fear takes over and he sinks. Sounds like a lot of our own stories, right?
He could have sunk deeper but then Jesus stretches a hand out to him to save and says, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31)
In essence, I am Peter. Part faithful and trusting yet part fearful and doubting. I believe wholeheartedly in Jesus and when He calls, I get distracted. Whether it is a storm in my life, maybe a problem, a person, or an overwhelming fear unearthed by the world, I sometimes question Him. Blindly stepping out of the boat, I need to learn to keep my eyes fixed straight ahead for the world will try to sway me. I may be shaky but that is enough for Him as long as I shatter the fears to reach Him. Taking the first step towards Him is enough because we learn that is what our faith entails. We will never accomplish great things for God unless we take that first initial step. Martin Luther King Jr. says, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
In Kisses for Katie, she explains how God loves us knowing we are fearful and wants us to carry His work out anyways in the best way we can saying,
"You are Peter. God already knows that you will make a mess, but His plan for you is great. Go. Feed His sheep."
And this is where I find myself at the foot of the cross. Stained and broken like Peter, I find a love that rescues me from myself and redeems me. He summons me to answer His call.
Isaiah 43:1 says, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."
No matter what I do, nothing brings me to God but Christ who took it upon himself to rescue me. To rescue someone who will continually turn away from Him, mess up, fall away, but that will strive to love Him with everything that she has. Ephesians 2:8 says "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God."
I find myself resting in the fact that the running, the moving, and chase for perfection I sometimes chase is empty. Christ already paid the cost and the cross is enough for me. It fills me up and brings a calm to the storm that looms.
1 Corinthians 1:18 says,
[ For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who don't believe but for those who do believe, it is the power of God .]
I want a vision for my life shaped by Christ alone. I want to learn complete trust in Him. I want to rest in knowing that I am in inadequate but through Christ, I can shine into the hearts of those around me.
I give my life completely to You. Take the reigns because I cannot do this on my own. Take it from my hands I am merely a vessel for whatever You desire of the life and possibilities stretched out before me. I am not my own for I have been bought with a price. Even when I find myself inadequate in Your sight, You remind me whose I am.
Relying on what I can see to affirm my future will only leave me empty.
Phil Wickam sings, "The world behind me, the cross before me; No turning back, no turning back..."
In following Christ I surrendered a love of the world to strive towards the fullness of life in the cross before me. In keeping my eyes fixed on You alone, I will find that nothing else matters but a life devoted to You no matter how many times I look away. I can't do this by myself because You are what I need to fulfill my call here.
"Lead me because I can't do this alone..."
-Sanctus Real
"...Daughter, your faith has made you well..."-Mark 5:34
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