Bright lights Part II.

In all honesty,  three days ago was the first time in a long time that I prayed for God to show me He's listening. And it's so cool to say this....but HE HAS! AHH! *high pitched girl scream*.


Praying for a miracle from God hasn't been something I am accustomed to doing...why would God want to show up in my life anyways?  It's not like I'm some rockstar Christian. But today I decided to seek God...but not in the half-hearted way I have fallen into, but with all of my heart.  Setting out for Panera with my SOAP journal, bible and pen in hand, I felt a sense of determination for the first time in a long time.  I felt a passion for life that I had forgotten for so long and sitting there with my coffee, I prayed for God to speak.  I chose a chapter from Matthew (one of my all time favorite books of the Bible) as a starting point because I felt strangely drawn to it.  Sifting through those chapters, I heard exactly what I needed to about certain areas of my life I needed to change and I quickly decided to make a trip over to Techny Towers.


Lemme tell ya if you've never been there, YOU SHOULD GO.  I'd been meaning to go there for over a year but the excuses of a busy high school life kept me away...even though it was a mere 5 minutes away from Willow Creek.  To be honest, I think I was afraid to go on my own.  As you'll learn, fear sometimes paralyzes my life and dictates my decisions on a daily basis.  I have no reason to be afraid...it's not like its a haunted chapel with ghosts of all the saints past floating around! 
So as I was walking into this chapel, a statue of Jesus being taken off the cross struck me and I stopped.  Mary was standing behind him, holding him from falling.  And as I stood there, I prayed.  I prayed for God to show me that He was there, that he hadn't given up on someone who really had fallen away and lost hope in herself.  I walked into the chapel (which is pretty darn huuuge) and stepped into the silence.  I chose a random row seven from the back and settled into the pew.  After saying a prayer, I got my journal out and as I was in the process I happened to glance to my left where I was met with the eyes of a giant statue of....wait for it....MATTHEW. Umm what?!? I sat there in disbelief as I realized that God had sent me a sign of hope.  He had me sit in the one specific aisle to the left of about fifty other rows where my favorite disciple of Jesus stood as a statue on the wall about 2.5 minutes after I had asked for a sign...Talk about timing!!!

Leaving that place, I felt a sense of peace deep down to my core.  I had a hope rising up inside of me that was blocking out my usual way of thinking.  Why had I chosen for so long to stumble along all on my own when God was standing beside me, waiting for me to simply turn around?

Later on that night after driving home from a lovely fro-yo experience at this place "swirl-cup" (highlyy reccomended), I was talking with one of my best and most trusted friends about the mysteries of life when someone flashed their brights at me. Hey, why you flashin' your brights at me buddy!? I continued in the conversation only to find yet another driver flash their brights at me....this time five more times.  My brights were SOOO not on. 

Okay, so they were definitely ON.  For the past two months and I had been completely oblivious to it. And as my friend left the car and went onside I realized the correlation between what had happened and what God was trying to make me see.  God had always been there for me.  Giving me signs, opportunities, placing people in my life and I failed to see every single one.  Being so accustomed to a certain degree of light, I never knew that I had been in the wrong.  Impressively stubborn in my ways, set in my worldly patterns of living that I had failed to notice God screaming at me that I AM loved, I am worthy, I am not defined by the image I hold in my head of myself and most importantly, other people are NOT the ones who define me at the end of the day. God is. 

"Change beings within" is a quote I have decided to store for my future.  It's up to you whether your tomorrow will be one filled with His light or your own personal darkness.  Allowing God to shine into the deepest corners of your heart means a renewal of your mind and your spirit.  It's up to you and you alone whether you decide to ask for heaven's doors to be opened and His light to shine on you.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." -Matthew 7:7