A soul awakened to fly, desiring to stretch, to be more tugged backwards in reverse.
This is something that has pressed and tugged at the edges of my heart over the course of the past year. The weight of the world at times breaking through, pushing into the corners of my soul and causing it to ache for the brokenness surrounding me at all angles.
The beauty of His brilliant light upon me in stark contrast with the hurt and emptiness outside of His love. And as these feelings settled heavily upon my heart, I found truth that cut through.
"His letters are weighty and strong, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech of no account..."-2 Corinthians 10:10
We are delicate.
How often do we overlook how fragile we are, how easily hurt, how undeniably frail we are? We overlook it to such a point that we believe we are capable of more on our own than we actually are.
"But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God has assigned to us, to reach even to you. For we are not overextending ourselves as though we did not reach you...We do not boast beyond limit in the labor of others. But our hope is that as our faith increases, our area of influence among you may be greatly enlarged so that we may preach the gospel in lands beyond you..."Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord. For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends."
-2 Corinthians 10:10, 13-15, 17-18
My presence on this earth, at this school, in my life, in this world is weak. It is fleeting and as quickly spent as the wind. The strength I have to offer is my testimony of Christ yet how often do I try to take things in to my own hands, believing I can solve someone's life or fix a situation? My words fall completely flat if not infused with the breath of Jesus yet how often do I jump the gun? How often am I quick to fill the gap with my own personal advice instead of allowing room for the Spirit to speak through me boldly and powerfully?
Speaking truthfully I am so unbelievably broken and as I ponder the purest beauty and purpose He has offered me thus far I have nothing other to boast in but the cross of Christ.
Yet despite this, our souls are inclined towards dust, to the empty pursuits of our own hearts.
"My soul clings to dust, give me life according to your word." -Psalm 119:20
We cling to our abilities, our gifts, our strengths, and can so easily lose sight that these things are mere dust in light of who Jesus is. Easily broken we are by a world full of heavy things we would never be able to moderately "fix" or "solve" on our own.
Jesus has not assigned us with the task of saving the world.
He has not even assigned us to save ourselves because He knows. He knows how unbelievably weak we are because He made us. He knows that healing, renewal of His hands that dives our wounds and makes us new, is solely in the strength and might of His hands.
I believe to grow strong we must be wrecked and brought down hard on our knees before Him.
Ever since this summer, I have been struck day after day by the sin that works its way through me, even coming to invade even things with the best intentions. With sin thrown up in your face, weakness consistently raw and exposed, we finally reach a place where we see how undeniably we thirst for Him alone. We are to grieve for the brokenness around us...yet not in the worldly sense. Strapping the burden of this world to your back, your knees buckle and you stumble. Glancing up from the ground you are met by the eyes of a Savior who is begging you to lay it down at the foot of the cross and to rest, begging you to give it over.
"As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us." -2 Corinthians 9
He does not grieve for you in this because it brings you to depend and rely on Him. In the end you do not lose anything, but gain a deeper trust and relationship with Him.
"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment!...So although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong, but in order that your earnestness for us might be revealed to you in the sight of God. Therefore we are comforted."
-2 Corinthians 7:10-13
When we are humbled to see our limits, He rejoices. To pour our heart, mind, soul, inner struggles, and self into our relationship is all that He desires.
In "Mighty Wave" Sarah Reeves sings, "So I'll pour my tears in the ocean. And I'll leave my pain by the shore. With your mighty wave you'll sweep them away, till they are no more."
His grace is an ocean stretching beyond the horizon and sweeping out to the edges of our reality. As tears slip out and threatens to overwhelm, it abounds. This joy He has set in our hearts for the cause of eternity abounds to overflow inside of us. Sweeping our hurt away, He allows us to face brokenness so that we develop an earnest and true desire to give it all over to Him alone. Hands lifting up the afflictions to be healed, made new with the dawn of the morning. Afflictions eclipsed by the beauty of a Savior who in faithfulness gives us the freedom to take things into our hands so that we come to find and know Him more. It is in the end we know with resounding certainty that Jesus is Healer and Lord of all. To walk before you in faithfulness, with all my heart, and all my soul is my desire (1 Kings 2:4). Pulled in the opposing direction, my soul is tugged and met with resistance. My eyes fixate upon the burning Light beaming upon my face, drawing me gently to clear out, to lay it all down.
Do you ever have one of those times where you can't stop laughing? It rises up in you. That smile just tugs at the corners of your mouth and can't help but fill your soul. This was my night last night as I talked with one of my best friends, Jessica, about the whirlwind of the past months and my life at the moment. Looking back over my shoulder, at my very present moment, and into this coming year, I am overjoyed. If I truly examine the core substance of my life, I find Christ. I find the most beautiful and extravagant Love winding its way through my veins, uprooting broken pieces of me to make me more whole. Pushing its way through my spreading roots is Love Himself, emerging with power and brilliance to touch the depths of my heart in ways I didn't dream of. And as I glance back over the past few months, I stand awestruck with just how faithful God is in bringing me to know Him more through these experiences. Knocked down in my frailty as a person and coming face to face with a wall of my own insecurities and limitations, I was brought to my knees before Him. And if you would have asked me in the midst of this summer if I felt this joy, I would say no. I felt confused, misdirected, frustrated, and my continuous prayer was solely for clarity and a solid direction to move in as I questioned what He could possibly be doing... And as the summer came to a close, I came to see why. Clearly spelling this out was a blog from Pastor Steven Furtick that I stumbled upon a few nights ago highlighting this verse which says, "It is the glory of God to conceal things..." (Proverbs 25:2). Furtick writes, "The point isn’t for God to make His will plain.His will isn’t the main objective. He is the main objective. He wants you to discover Him above all else." In Philippians 3:12 Paul strips down his life calling, purpose, and reason being "to know Him and the power of his resurrection." And as I allow these words to blaze through my heart, I find myself desiring more of Christ. I find this deep yearning to know this incredible God, to give other people this Treasure of who He is, and ignite their hearts to live for something so much more glorious.
This was my summer. To understand that what I have been given in Christ is not a heap of spiritual blessings or a crutch to lean on, but Christ Himself. This incredible revelation of Christ crucified is meant to transform everything, driving your moments forward in purpose towards "the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 3:14). I sit here typing and am still in wonder at the incredible lessons I gained in Christ through seeking Him amidst the lack of clarity. Christ ignited my heart by teaching me to trust His leading. He taught me these things:
to articulate the gospel and what it means to die to the self and allow Christ to reign (Galatians 2:20-21)
the power of intentionality with people and sharing the gospel (Colossians 4:2),
the power of prayer and asking in faith (Matt. 21:22)
to treasure the wisdom and seeking out insight as it comes (Proverbs 3:7-9)
to abide solely in His arms (John 15:4)
to see His wisdom will be lavished on us when we ask...just in a very different way than we desire through trials or being stretched (James 1:5)
And most important of all, I have been shown and brought to the beautiful truth that the sole purpose of my life is to know Him. Isn't there so much freedom in this? The purpose is not to hurdle forward in my life with a bunch of to-do lists and striving but to rest in the Savior's arms and find the highest joy in treasuring Him and sharing this gift with those around.
Knowing Christ intimately and deeply is the reason I have been created to walk this earth. It is the reason you reading this have been crafted and woven into the wonderful person that you are. It in knowing Christ more that our hearts are set ablaze by the Spirit because without Him we are nothing, can do nothing, and are aimlessly living for ourselves. Christ died to save you from that life. He died to make your one true desire making Him known and exalted in your world because He knows it will be your highest joy above all else.
Psalm 23:5 says, "...you anoint my head with oil; my cupoverflows." You will overflow with joy and soul-filling purpose when you have Christ because He dwells within you. In Christ your Savior you find your meaning.
I joyfully pen this blog with deeper insight and confidence in a God who truly is faithful to fulfill His promises in perfect timing. This summer, I always prayed for the answers to be clearly laid in my path in my timing as I overlooked the very person of Christ sharpening, teaching me, and emerging from within me to prepare me for the coming year. He knew I needed those very lessons I listed above for the call He has placed on my heart with Cru. And in whatever manner this vision plays out, success or failure, I came to know Him more in the process and will continue to. I will sing, "It is well with my soul" because every waking moment He is piecing together my brokenness until the day of Christ when it will be complete (Phil. 1:6) I sing because He increasingly unveils Himself to me as I behold His glory within my heart to extend into the hearts of those around me (2 Cor. 3:18). I praise this amazing God who inspires trust. I praise Him who inspires risks in His name, not because they will always succeed or thrive but because of how all of us can be brought closer into an intimate relationship of knowing our beautiful Savior in the process. I praise Him who chooses to hide our next step so that we may come to know and trust Him more. I step out in faith, holding His hand in joyful trust "in order that I may gain Christ" and share that with others (Phil. 3:8) And what more is life than this? To understand the anchor to my soul is Christ alone, to know I have the privilege to share His fullness in this coming year in incredible ways, to know that the Creator of the universe knows the depths of my sinful heart and loves me all the same. Oh yes, I sing "It is well with my soul" because You are here, You are now, and You give me the most beautiful hope I could ever imagine simply in who You are to me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2xYMa6zA3c My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Was nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well, with my soul, It is well, It is well, with my soul
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.
It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.
In silence and rain I sit.
Beneath skies of thick white clouds, silence blankets me, and my soul rests in the still of this moment. Cars hurdle onward,
streets blur with traffic,
rain blurs my efforts to write as ink runs, nearly erasing each word. 1899-1924
25 years old, the sharpest age, and the prime of life. Only 6 years more lived than myself.
An uneven bumpy cross sits atop this woman's headstone. And now nearly a century later, does her name carry any weight?
A name engraved and etched into a stone long after she has pushed through the doors of this world.
Did she live for You Lord?
Is this a default cross to match the surrounding ones?
Drops fall upon this space,
Beating down upon this silence, this stagnant tick of the clock 88 years later.
This fierce love, this sacrifice You gave.
Did she seize hold of this purpose buried within her heart?
This breath You breathed into her, did she breathe it back out for You adoring, treasuring, admiring, and spending this life upon You?
Clothes soaked and drenched by drops steadily falling faster,
I find this deep rooted yearning for You in this moment.
For myself and beyond that, this world to come to grips with the freedom You offer at the cross.
For people whose eyes have been opened to step outside and dwell upon the emptied eyes craving Your beauty.
For my own selfish ambitions to die and for my soul to be further awakened to Christ's very life emerging and extending to touch hearts around me.
Rising up from sitting on the ground, I weave my way back to my car to sit beneath the covering of a car roof.
Opening my journal to continue without the batter of rain, I click on the on button for the radio and I know You were listening to my prayers. Blasting through the speakers is a song, the song, that fired my soul to spend this life upon you last year. I want to live like that And give it all I have So that everything I say and do Points to You If love is who I am Then this is where I'll stand Recklessly abandoned Never holding back. And how could I choose to live differently? How could fear have a handle on any aspect of my life? How could I allow minor things of the past overshadow the beauty of Christ that continues to enrich my heart, mind, and soul?
If this Truth I have felt awakening my soul is tangible and real, how could my life look the same as it did before? How could I not stand for You? No matter what people say, if I fail or succeed, whether the risks I take for You are torn to shreds or if they are part of Your plan to bring people home to You, if my life pans out exactly the way I believe is best or my path is diverted, if I find myself breaking at the seams and at the same time overflowing with the sweetest love of all at the core of my being? "Indeed, I count everything as loss because ofthe surpassing worth ofknowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." -Philippians 3:8 Through seeking You with my whole heart, I will have nothing to regret. Burning away every distraction and all of the clutter, I have been created to know You so that others might come to know You.
Today, in this moment, You are calling us.
To be a living testament everyday to Your saving grace and saving love,
To be set ablaze by the Spirit.
To be used so they may see and understand, taste Your beauty and fall into Your arms.
A world looks on and marvels at this flame You have lit burning in our souls as they find themselves drawn into Your love, becoming alive in Your glory,
A world glances all around for a source to be grasped in their hands, but it is You.
Your love is all around,
in the air we breathe, the purpose igniting our hearts, the life blood pumping through our veins pushing us to persevere to that day.
I will stand before this God at the end of my life.
The purest vision of my God and King:
Hair flowing and white as snow,
Eyes the fiercest of flames,
swelling with the jealousy You had for me before time wrapped me in its arms.
Roaring like a lion is the voice of Truth to guard and protect my fragile heart all the days of my life,
A face blindingly bright and beaming with glory that stuns my soul.
In silence and rain I sit and meditate on Your glory, this mere glimpse of who You are offered to us.
I sit and meditate on the freedom in this gospel that releases my fears.
I dwell upon the riches of Your love already given to me and am propelled forward in passion:
To share, to spread, to proclaim, to teach, to live out, to pray to You in this very season of my life.
Nothing more to offer this beautiful Savior other than a life proclaiming Majesty.
No more to give of myself to this world than a life that both whispers and screams, "I adore You"
The cry of my heart, Jesus, is to simply sayI love you.
From beginning to end, no matter what trials come my direction,
the amount of tears that pour out of the brokenness,
the times I jump for the soul-filling joy You place in my heart,
or the days I doubt Your plan for me,
may I constantly abide in Your love.
May every day that my feet hit the floor be one where the gospel reshapes and transforms me to be more like You and less like me.
May every moment be overflowing in joy and thankfulness so I may recognize the true gift of grace that it is to wake up every single morning.
I pray that your soul would be awakened to the truth you have been created for something so amazing, so glorious, and so wonderful in having an intimate relationship with the King of Kings. He so desperately wants for you to know Him right now to experience His presence and life, for it is in knowing Him you find His fullness pushing aside your brokenness to make you whole. Don't wait another day wondering why you are here on this earth.
Your purpose, reason, and desire is found in Christ alone.
I pray that the simple and blunt dash that will one day be etched on a stone will be a legacy solely proclaiming the majesty of Christ who brought me to be united with Him.
My prayer for each person who reads this is that the reality of how short your life is would hit you, wreck you, and change you. I pray you would find it within yourself to have the courage to look at your life and ask yourself in honesty if you would be okay with your life if you died tomorrow.
Would you be bolder?
Would you trust Him more with your story?
Would you take more risks in sharing your faith?
Would you pursue a new calling?
What would you do differently?
Today is the day for a new beginning.
"The dead do not praise the Lord
nor do any who go down into silence...
But we will bless the Lord,
from this time forth and forevermore,
Praise the Lord!"
{Psalm 115:18}
(Revelation 1 was used when I spoke of the vision of Christ. I highly recommend reading through all of that chapter.)
To meet with Him on your knees, desiring at the latest hour through the aches and pains of life to lay your burdens and joy all the same at His feet, To hunger for His sweet wisdom to be crowned on your head and filling your thoughts despite the sting of discipline carried with it, To incline your ears in eager anticipation for His leading whispers, To dwell richly upon the gospel that resets your wayward heart, To arise each morning to find a Savior who seizes your heart daily, To struggle and wrestle both in prayer and action for those who stumble so they may be set firmly on the path of truth you've found, To breathe Love Himself into conservations instead of assuming and dancing around Him, To increasingly understand His love completes your soul in a way no other relationship can, To trust that through the tears and struggles, your heart grows steadfast and is refined by this flame, To humble your standing as an unlovely creature made beautiful and lifted to reflect true glory To whole heartedly believe His brilliant plan draws you to participate in redemption of the brokenness all around, To confidently risk, believing His love will catch you thousandfold, To embrace each season of your life with open arms as a chapter of your ministry to be fulfilled. To know Him is more than motions, more than a hollow song, more than an empty fleeting prayer. To know Him is to release the seen and tangible dying in your grip to obtain the fullness in the glory of the unseen To know this God is to raise your hands for the depth of gratitude your heart now sings To know this God is to continuously lift up your shattered shards of brokenness to the God who makes all things new To consistently bring to light a sinful heart buried within to be made new by a Healer To be wrecked on a daily basis so that He might increase within. To know You, Jesus, is to never have enough, to never be satisfied, to press deeper into Your tender heart, to catch the desperate and saving flame of Your name, to allow this fire to burn so intimately and deeply that we choose to look outward and upward to your calling on us, beholding the glory of Your name and treasuring every moment we are gifted with to know You more.
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ,and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
Steadily rising, bleeding orange and scarlet, the sun gently sweeps across the clouds and time clicks forward. Stretching into the heavens, the sun emerges from hiding to ignite a sky found in slumber, a revelation of unimaginable light.
Lying on the couch and staring up at the ceiling I began thinking through my life this past year. If some of you are reading this and don't know a ton about my story, my first year at Hope College was one where my life was completely changed in the most incredible of ways. Jesus became real to me for the first time since I had chosen to accept Him the summer going into my senior year.
The definition of “revelation” refers to it as "somethingrevealedordisclosed,especiallyastriking disclosure,asofsomethingnotbeforerealized."
A revelation is just this...striking.
It is life changing, ground breaking, earth shattering. It rocks your world and it transforms. Thinking through this, I ponder why I am consistently so surprised by the consistent revelations that hit me about Him. He is CHRIST! He is the God of my salvation and the One who has lifted me from death into eternal life here and now and yet I am still shocked, so surprised by the way His love continues to tear down my walls to reveal His heart for me.
This summer I am finding my revelation is Christ. Hillsong United sings, “This is my revelation: Christ Jesus crucified.” Clear and to the point, it is Christ alone.
Every day that I wake up and my feet hit the floor, I am finding the beautiful consequences of Christ sweeping through my life and bringing me to my knees. In my weakness, He is glorified. I am changed by a God who is magnified when I honestly bring to light the sin that sits upon my heart. My old life is being choked out and buried deeper as I find more of this fullness emerging and lighting my flaws to make Himself known. Silencing the lies held above my head, the voice of Majesty is infusing the breath of new life, given a song of purpose that is unveiled more and more with each passing day.
I am discovering that this life is a consistent battle to maintain clarity on the purest vision of who He is because He has always been there. It is me and you who loses sight of this in our limited perception
with our vision so easily muddied and blurred. Having our eyes set on what’s “missing” from our stories, the empty chair beside us, who seems to have overlooked us, how many people we haven’t felt accepted by, the pain this world has rained down on us time after time or the overwhelming fears that claw at us as we strain to keep our eyes ahead.
Yet this is the one Truth that banishes the lies our tarnished and broken souls love to collect in excess. This is the Truth of our God that bends down into the dust to collect our lies like a deck of cards, whipping them into the air to fly in every direction. In light of His presence, these flimsy lies stand no chance. With His mighty hands gently placed upon the heaviness of our souls, freedom and life flow freely. It is in this revelation we find our worth again and again.
Satisfied, redeemed, restored, beloved, worthy, and filled.
These are the truths encased around the heart of our Savior.
These are the truths wrapped inside the revelation of who He is.
And because of Him, this is who we are now.
But why are they so hard to believe?
Without the revelation and continual recognition of who Christ is, these are empty encouraging words or labels. Tossing them out from a deadened heart simply desiring to be seen as 'good', they mean nothing if not flowing from a heart abiding in Him.
“Revelation” by Third Day sings, “Give me a revelation, show me what to do because I’ve been trying to find my way, I’m nothing without You.”
Looking through these lyrics, I find myself smiling. Crying out from a place of deep emptiness desperate for more than the fleeting, we cry out for the eternal fullness.
Give me more of Jesus: this is what our souls are desperate for. Not for a boyfriend or girlfriend, more material things, more comfort, more popularity, or to be affirmed by everyone around us.
It is plain and simple. He is the revelation.
He is the treasure offered to us that we have the privilege and honor to offer this world on bended knee, the One this world unknowingly hungers to know.
The pained limp you are making along the roadside can end. The striving can cease. The weight of sin that shifts from one leg to the other can be cast fully upon Him. You can finally find rest. The person of Christ, in all His fullness, dwells within you. You have taken on the life of Christ. This is the revelation that must continually wreck us on a daily basis.
The fruits of the Spirit have been planted to flourish (Galatians
The mission of the cross has been placed to rest heavily upon your heart to spur you to move out into this world (Matt. 28:19)
The Spirit is upon you to proclaim the freedom found at the foot of the cross (Isaiah ’61)
Living in Him and He in you, this is the fruit that will emerge in fullness.
Standing to rise, it is now that we must shake off the heaviness of our own strained efforts. It is in this we recognize with clarity the life You have already been offered because of what He has done on the cross. Planting our feet firmly on the Rock and Redeemer who cannot be moved you will find your eyes on the cross of your Savior who has rescued you not because He needs you, but because He loved you enough to save you from yourself.
It is out of our revelation of Christ and His undying love for us that our lives can be filled, our deck of lies can be cast into the wind, and we can be found. In loving response, we can live our lives to the glory of our God who looks upon us as His beloved children.
To testify to who Christ is means acknowledging your life is no longer your own. Galatians 2:20 says, “It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.” Our greatest revelation is Christ Himself and it is in Him we find the ground-breaking Truth that collides with our vain ambition.
Crashing into this heart moving in the opposing direction, I find myself at a standstill. Torn down to be re-built into a dwelling place for the Spirit and to swell with the Spirit of our great God until my very last breath is the flame I have to offer this world. It is the flame being passed to you if you are willing to accept it and raise it high for those around you.
Christ crucified is the constant revelation we must all pray on our knees to have eyes to see. Christ in all His fullness is here among us. In you and in me, He is here and now.
