Eclipsed by glory

A soul awakened to fly, 
desiring to stretch, 
to be more
tugged backwards in reverse.

This is something that has pressed and tugged at the edges of my heart over the course of the past year. The weight of the world at times breaking through, pushing into the corners of my soul and causing it to ache for the brokenness surrounding me at all angles.
The beauty of His brilliant light upon me in stark contrast with the hurt and emptiness outside of His love. And as these feelings settled heavily upon my heart, I found truth that cut through.

"His letters are weighty and strong, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech of no account..."-2 Corinthians 10:10

We are delicate.

How often do we overlook how fragile we are, how easily hurt, how undeniably frail we are? We overlook it to such a point that we believe we are capable of more on our own than we actually are. 

"But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God has assigned to us, to reach even to you. For we are not overextending ourselves as though we did not reach you...We do not boast beyond limit in the labor of others.  But our hope is that as our faith increases, our area of influence among you may be greatly enlarged so that we may preach the gospel in lands beyond you..."Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.  For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends."
-2 Corinthians 10:10, 13-15, 17-18

My presence on this earth, at this school, in my life, in this world is weak.  It is fleeting and as quickly spent as the wind.  The strength I have to offer is my testimony of Christ yet how often do I try to take things in to my own hands, believing I can solve someone's life or fix a situation?  My words fall completely flat if not infused with the breath of Jesus yet how often do I jump the gun? How often am I quick to fill the gap with my own personal advice instead of allowing room for the Spirit to speak through me boldly and powerfully?

Speaking truthfully I am so unbelievably broken and as I ponder the purest beauty and purpose He has offered me thus far I have nothing other to boast in but the cross of Christ.
Yet despite this, our souls are inclined towards dust, to the empty pursuits of our own hearts.

"My soul clings to dust, give me life according to your word." 
-Psalm 119:20

We cling to our abilities, our gifts, our strengths, and can so easily lose sight that these things are mere dust in light of who Jesus is. Easily broken we are by a world full of heavy things we would never be able to moderately "fix" or "solve" on our own.

Jesus has not assigned us with the task of saving the world.
He has not even assigned us to save ourselves because He knows. He knows how unbelievably weak we are because He made us. He knows that healing, renewal of His hands that dives our wounds and makes us new, is solely in the strength and might of His hands.

I believe to grow strong we must be wrecked and brought down hard on our knees before Him.
Ever since this summer, I have been struck day after day by the sin that works its way through me, even coming to invade even things with the best intentions.  With sin thrown up in your face, weakness consistently raw and exposed, we finally reach a place where we see how undeniably we thirst for Him alone. 

We are to grieve for the brokenness around us...yet not in the worldly sense.  Strapping the burden of this world to your back, your knees buckle and you stumble.  Glancing up from the ground you are met by the eyes of a Savior who is begging you to lay it down at the foot of the cross and to rest, begging you to give it over. 

"As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us." -2 Corinthians 9

He does not grieve for you in this because it brings you to depend and rely on Him.  In the end you do not lose anything, but gain a deeper trust and relationship with Him.

"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment!...So although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong, but in order that your earnestness for us might be revealed to you in the sight of God. Therefore we are comforted." 

-2 Corinthians 7:10-13

When we are humbled to see our limits, He rejoices. To pour our heart, mind, soul, inner struggles, and self into our relationship is all that He desires.

In "Mighty Wave" Sarah Reeves sings, "So I'll pour my tears in the ocean. And I'll leave my pain by the shore. With your mighty wave you'll sweep them away, till they are no more."

His grace is an ocean stretching beyond the horizon and sweeping out to the edges of our reality.  As tears slip out and threatens to overwhelm, it abounds.  This joy He has set in our hearts for the cause of eternity abounds to overflow inside of us. Sweeping our hurt away, He allows us to face brokenness so that we develop an earnest and true desire to give it all over to Him alone.  

Hands lifting up the afflictions to be healed, made new with the dawn of the morning.
Afflictions eclipsed by the beauty of a Savior who in faithfulness gives us the freedom to take things into our hands so that we come to find and know Him more.  It is in the end we know with resounding certainty that Jesus is Healer and Lord of all. 

To walk before you in faithfulness, with all my heart, and all my soul is my desire (1 Kings 2:4). 

Pulled in the opposing direction,
my soul is tugged and met with resistance. 
My eyes fixate upon the burning Light 
beaming upon my face,
drawing me gently to clear out,
to lay it all down.