Blooming Hearts

Reaching into the black of my messy heart,
Steady light You bring.
Untangling my string of cracked and broken lights
woven into my inner being,
You draw me gently to my knees.

Hands of healing touch the depths,
In shock, I raise my eyes and stand once more.
Sparking Truth to flow through my veins. 

Unpleasant at first, a cool wind blows,
my clothes ruffle and skin grows colder,
And yet, 
it is here I wish to stand.

A beautiful door into my heart unlocking at the sound of my Father's voice 

blowing His love and promises through this strong and steady wind.

Resetting my eyes, 
Renewing my vision, Cleansing me of glances over my shoulder,
Calming desperate and frantic eyes searching the horizon,
Simply waiting for my past to crash into the present.

I pray to You,
Resurrect my soul to be wholly and truly Yours, 
I am not my own.
Halt any word to come across these lips that does not bring life, 
Press pause in the inner depths of my heart when I attempt to impress this world or a single person in it other than You.

Worthy, You are.
Weed out the vines,
Bloom in the inner recesses of my heart so I may grow up into You,
A woman rooted and resting in the beauty of Truth.

In every moment, every pain, every trial, every moment of everyday He is constant and full.  With Jesus, we have one of the most beautiful opportunities to worship, to adore, and to know the Savior of this world and resurrector of our hearts.

And do you know what results from having a deep relationship with a God of fullness? Blooming hearts of fiery beauty for our King.

For the majority of my life, I suffered from self-confidence issues and it was only through the healing and love of Christ that He began to light my path out of that.  But with the beautiful redemption at work within me, Satan has also tried to attack this new growth every chance he gets.

Lately, I have been faced with a nice long list of lies that Satan has attempted to lug into my present.  And just as I have in the past, I initially chose to buy into them. I believed for a moment that these closed doors were my fault. I believed that these were a result of me stepping outside of God's will and yet sitting here, I am beginning to process much more of the "why" hanging over so many of life's situations over the past three years.

I am writing this with a smile on my face because the power of Christ wins...every single time. The fierce love and devotion He has for you and for me is so much higher, deeper, and wider than we will ever be able to comprehend in this lifetime.

I am learning so much about what it means to walk alongside Jesus in every moment and situation.  Jesus is blooming within my heart and changing me from the inside out to realize, recognize, and highlight what He needs me to see.  Unveiling more and more of the woman of elegance, grace, wisdom, trust, and patience, He is calling me to be, I know to follow.

The only thing in this moment and season of my life that I am called to be is myself for in doing that I am walking in the truth of who He is.
"Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom of the secret heart." 
-Psalm 51:8

I am not called "prove my faith" or be "spiritual enough" for any person in this life other than the person of Christ. Doing this, I hinder the pure and genuine love of Christ dying to break out of my heart to be known to those He is placing all around me.

Allowing Christ to unshackle the chains of anxiety, worry, and fear is to let Him in to change you.  Lifting the heaviness off of your vision, you are able to see with clarity that every single day He is enabling you to step forward into the restoration and renewal of your soul.

Bloom.

This is the very word that sparks passion in my soul for this chapter of my life as a sophomore here at Hope College. I am discovering the beauty of living my every day to be immersed in who He is so that I may walk in love and grow up deeper into Him. 

Reading this I hope and pray you find the encouragement to let Him grow you in whatever season you are in. There is no greater joy than to know Jesus and to be known by Him.  With eyes ahead and not behind, press on towards the upward call of Christ. There is nothing more beautiful than falling in step with the One who will redeem even the most broken of souls to be made whole in His love.

"Just keep believing,
you’ll see a new season soon
You’re turning into something amazing.." 
-Moriah Peters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPeudF7tcD8

"Unclench your fists, unlock your knees, and also the door to your heart, take a deep breath, and begin to swim. Begin to let the waves do their work in you." 

-Shauna Niequist

How

And how can they know if we remain unchanged?
How will they see and understand the depth of Your love if outrageous love does not spill out of our heart, mind, and soul?
How will they believe You are our treasure if we live as though you are merely an adornment for our lives and not our all-consuming fire?
How will the hope of Your message touch their hearts in the profoundest of ways if it remains bottled up?

We must proclaim not merely speak,
We must rise to praise You not merely sing
We must step towards Your refining flame not back away in fear of what it might bring,
We must seek You fiercely to pulse through our veins
We must pray for Love's embrace to guide those who stumble,
We must joyfully abound in your grace one moment to the next not merely move

Jesus, you do not need us but You choose to reflect Your fire, Your desperation, Your compassion, Your grace through each of our candle flames.

Burn in us so brilliantly, so brightly, so passionately that it will be evident all else pales in comparison in light of Your face turned upon us on this day.

First

2 Corinthians 8:5
"...and this, not as they expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then by the will of God to others."

We must spend more time seeking the approval of the King than the approval of those around us.
We must soak in the richness of His unfathomable love so that we don't merely pour out of our limited strength, but overflow with His living waters.
We must learn that it is not us that this world needs, but the One who resides within our hearts.
We must see that acceptance and grace is the bridge for His love to connect the two ends
We must kneel down before the only One who can lift our face and fill our hearts with the burning light  of passion and hope.

It is not what is expected, but it is the only way you can thrive and deepen the most important relationship you will ever have--by being reconciled to the Healer who will then radically alter your heart to be reconciled to a broken world.

Mighty

Tearing open the heavens,
Mercy falling down,
On my knees,
Ragged edges stretch their bounds,
Giving way to this rush of grace

Gentle touch of wholeness
Knitting my loose ends,
Weaving me into Your flesh

Immobile and fixed on the Rock
Shaking hands in surrender,

Mighty to save,
in my frailties You are Lord.

What are you expecting?

A few weeks ago I had an intense revelation/experience. The next morning I came across a chapter entitled "What are you expecting?"

Asking some very tough questions straight to the core of what my expectations were in faith, I was very challenged.

The author rattles off a chain of questions:
"What are you expecting?
Are you expecting for everyone to understand you?
Are you expecting family to completely understand you?
Are you expecting for dying to yourself to be easy?
Are you expecting for everything to turn out the way you think it should?"

And as I sit here, these are the feelings that brew in my heart and mind--that it is not easy in the slightest. What I expected after devoting my life to Christ would be that it would be smooth sailing, not an everyday challenge.  What I expected after experiencing the power of Christ was that I could be the Savior for certain people in my life believing they "needed me" when in reality I was the one who needed them to see I needed saving, if not more so than those around me.  What I expected was it wouldn't take every last ounce of my strength to vocalize my weakness and acknowledge how desperately I need this new life to be affirmed in my soul every single day. What I expected is that I would understand His plan for my life with every step and it would be easy to trust Him, not that I would find myself wrecked with doubt and confusion over the course of my journey thus far.

And yet, in love, Jesus was sent to this world.  The fullness of God present and walking the earth sent to redeem the brokenness.  And what was the response of the world? Crucify the answer meant to save us.

He gave every last piece of Himself so that we might know the love of the Father.  How can we as Christians believe that we can slide by under the radar when Christ stood apart from the crowd dramatically for the sake of those around Him.  We are called to stand up and proclaim the radical saving love. How can we as Christians believe it is going to be easy to break through to people with the love of Christ? Do we expect for people to know we follow Christ simply by our politeness? This world has wall after wall after wall after wall held up against the idea of an all loving Creator.  It seems much of this has to do with those who follow Him, claim to bear the radical symbol of love by wearing a cross, and yet their lives don't look much different from someone who doesn't believe.  How often are Christians (myself included) so quick to condemn another for their choices or beliefs without taking the time to sit down and understand their journey, reflecting the heart of patience and compassion that Jesus has shown us from the moment He was born up until this moment when He is alive and reigning.

It is going to take Christ followers with their hearts, minds, and souls flung wide open to receive the ocean of His grace to tear down the walls.
It is going to take us humbly acknowledging that in our lives we are the jars of clay meant to display the all consuming fire and treasure of Christ (2 Corinthians 4:7).
It is going to take hearts willing to venture into discomfort to bear the name of Christ in all things with patience and trust that all things done in His name are not done in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).

The line between this world and the next is a very thin one, a thread meant to wake us up to the fact that we have not been guaranteed an entire lifetime to one day grow into the people God is calling us to be. Now is the time to grab hold of the fullness and groundbreaking love of Jesus so your heart will not only be radically altered, remade, and healed but that for the sake of the world He will burn in you so all may see (2 Corinthians 4:15).

To participate in the Kingdom of Christ is the most soul-filling, worthwhile endeavor you will ever be called to and with that, the most challenging.  You may not feel worthy of this call and the truth is that you aren't--it is the life of Jesus within you that cancels the record of sin and clothes you in the righteousness of God, allowing you to be presented whole before the Father.

Christ is here and now, looking at you and calling you to take up your cross and follow His lead.  Are you expecting it to be easy? 

No, but expect it to be worth it.

Dear True Love

"Dear true love,
I'm a writer without any words,
I'm a story that nobody heard 
When I'm without you.
I am a voice,
I am a voice without any sound.
I'm a treasure map that nobody found
When I'm without you.
Dear true love,
I'm a lantern without any light,
I'm a boxer much too afraid to fight
When I'm without you.."
-Sleeping at Last


"Love Me. Trust Me. Seek Me.."

All along, You whispered. You yelled, I closed my ears and pretended I was listening. You tapped me on the shoulder, I refused to turn. And yet here I find You.

On my knees, filling my soul, widening my gaze, placing a burning fire within me that has rained down more joy upon my life than ever before. Opening my heart up to You fully and completely You have begun the healing process, speaking Truth to crash over my wounds in healing waves. You have spoken and I have chosen to listen.

"Silence, be still My child.."
Why is this so hard for me as a Christian to swallow? Do I really believe that I can save this world or even myself?

You have brought me from a constant state of motion to a standstill. Stopping mid-stride, You whisper for me to put my hand over my heart. Your Kingdom purpose beats through my veins and pushes out the weeds. You clear me out, bringing me to my knees to be emptied and blessed with more fullness than I could imagine.

Lord, You are so unbelievably faithful.
Oh, how I see it now and continue to be humbled by Your love flowing through my heart like a river.
Mercy and grace drenching my small existence from every angle, quenching my thirst.

You have silenced my voice and are teaching me the art of trusting You, of letting You in. You are revealing to me how to enter into Your rest, to lay at Your feet and wait expectantly for the voice of the Savior to speak me into motion. 

You consistently turn Your face upon this unworthy and undeserving girl who needs to be bound to Your heart daily. You constantly lavish grace that abounds in the depths of my heart.

You beckon me forth.
Deeper into Your Kingdom's cause, my passionate flame for this bleeds deeper than anything I have ever experienced in my 19 years on this earth. You are allowing me to shine into this world Love Himself who has brought me out of the pit of emptiness and into the fullness of grace.

I am deeply astounded, Lord. I worship and praise because Your love satisfies every piece of who I am.
I want to chase this cross with everything I am for everyone around me to know the Love that chases after them every single day.  God, just as You long for me, You long for them.

You fill my lips with words of splendor and truth,
You script adventure in between the day to day schedule,
You shine out of the depths of a heart renewed 
You grant me the privilege of shining You every step of my journey.
Thank You, Jesus. 

For unanswered prayers, 
for answered prayers, 
for leading me in my weakness,
for trying times that break me down,
for equipping me in Your Truth as You lead me,
for the mountaintop moments of Your praise,
for being humbled into seeing my own frailties and limits,
for loneliness that set me to seek You and know You more, 
for beautiful friendships singing of Your Truth and praise,
for the blessing of serving children and showing them Your compassion, 
for the privilege of being disciplined and sharpened by Your words,
for being refined by Your flame, 
for finding daily there is so much more of You to behold every single day,
for the immense blessing of blessing others with the radical love that has been shown to me,
for the joys of sharing a relationship that deepens, grows, and tests me every single day,
for revelations You give that rock my heart, leaving me smiling up at You.

Your plans and thoughts for me and for every person reading this outnumber the skies. You desire to give us Your person in fullness sending Your Holy Spirit to crash down upon us and fill every inch of our lives. You have a divine jealousy for our hearts, our minds, our very souls. May we give it to You joyfully and freely-knowing when we have the courage to come with empty hands You will shower and lavish our lives with more of You than we could ever dream of.

You, Lord, are everything I could ever ask for...and so much more. 
Be My love, My divine purpose, My best friend, and the Leader of my life.

Wonder

Warm honey glow,
Dripping from sky lights,
Pouring onto the path before me,
Blinded I step into motionless time.

Scripted affection in the sky beckoning,
tugging my heart onward beyond the rough,
dreams caressing the waves to stillness.

Behold,
Eyes slowly widen,
the glittering air of wonder,
a whispered dream of glory.

A hope my story longs to sing of,
A kingdom my heart longs to touch,
to know,
to grip with the depths of my soul.

All that I am for all that You are.

Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.  Psalm 119:18