The release 7x70

"God picked up my heart and helped me through, and shined a light on the one thing left to do and that's forgive you, I forgive you..."

Ok. First off, let me say this...

I have never felt God more present in my life than I have in this past month.
Just a few minutes ago, He showed me yet again that He has been listening all along even when I felt alone.

Just as I had begun writing this blog on forgiveness, a song came on called "7x70" by Chris August.  This particular song has been a very emotional one for me throughout this year.  A lot has changed in my life...relationships have ended, been broken and as a result so have I.  My self-esteem has slowly chipped away with every disappointment, every tear, every death of a relationship.  I turned the blame on myself, sure it was my actions causing people to act in such a way...

I stored up all the bitterness, resentment, sadness and brokenness into little pockets of my heart, until it began to pour out of my words, my thoughts, my actions, and I began to become a girl I didn't recognize anymore.  Someone I hated to see looking back at me with darkness shining in my eyes.  I knew I needed to change things but I struggled with how.

You see, I've had trouble getting over my pride.  Plainnnn and simple.
God's been pointing me towards forgiveness for days. Months.  But my stubborn heart has shoved the notion of surrendering my pride aside every single time...until very recently.

"Embracing God's Love" is a book that I have become completely enthralled with in the past week and it has captured my heart in so many ways (thank you Sara!).

Last night as I was reading, a chapter on forgiveness struck me so hard and I literally couldn't stop thinking about what I had been doing to myself... I had been internalizing the scars on my heart and shielding them from God's healing

"When you forgive a person, you set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself..." -Corrie Ten Boom

I was the prisoner.
Drowning in my own pool of hurt.
I was letting it control my thoughts and strike down hope.
Yes, people have left me, turned away and have left holes in my heart, but I had refused to lift up my hurt to only One who could heal it...

"We end up hiding from the One who longs to heal us and in fact, is the only One who can heal us..."-James Bryan Smith

We always think we can take things under our own wing, until it all comes crashing down and we're left to pick up the scattered shards of glass.  Forgiveness is one thing I chose for such a long time to grip so tightly and to keep separate from my relationship with God.  That is until I began to remember something quite important..

7x70.

Sound familar?

It's because that is a symbol for the unlimited forgiveness in the Bible that we've been called to grant for those who have hurt us.
Doesn't matter what the crime is because as James Bryan Smith says,"Christianity separates the crime from the criminal."
Doesn't matter if you didn't deserve to be treated a certain way.
If they were in the wrong.
You were in the wrong.
God doesn't count those things as valid reasons to withhold forgiveness.  We are to keep forgiving until it is completely settled in our hearts, and only then will peace quiet the roaring waves of hurt welling up in you.

Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.
Not so easy to do when our natural tendency as humans in this world is to seek out justice for ourselves and other people...not always the healing God longs for us to recieve.  For so long, this was the outlook I took on...convinced my road was the right was to take (for those of you who know me well I'm notoriously horrible at directions ;) ).  I chose to venture down this dangerously rocky road without headlights instead of letting God show me His well lit path to healing.

Forgiveness is a releasing act and although you may not recieve the response you desire from someone, you'll be able to move forward.  God has shown me that I can rest in knowing that I did everything I  could to let that person know I've forgiven them.
To release the crushing weight of blame. 
To set things right in God's eyes and in my own heart.

To grant forgiveness and strive towards an unconditional love God shows us every day we are alive.

In the way that we condemn or judge, forgive or don't forgive, is the way God shall handle us. We are no better than any other person on this Earth no matter what great things we have done.  Sin is all the same in the eyes of God.

"For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you." -Matthew 7:2

Always forgive.  Give it over to the one who is stronger.
 That is never something you will regret in a life that is never fully guaranteed another tomorrow.  God longs for us to release our fears and cast our cares onto Him, and to be honest, that is the only way to truly live.