I am majorly indecisive. I don't know about you when it comes to deciding on anything, I change my mind a million times.
Take yesterday for example. Went to go get my nails done and I sat there for a good 10 minutes just staring at the nail polish. Taking in each different color individually and trying to determine which color would be the best for me.
Fire engine red. Confident.
Royal Blue. Trendsetter.
Yellow. Risk-taker (aka not me)
Pink. Classic safety...and the one I picked!
Before I came to this conclusion I had taken multiple polishes off the shelf and thought they were the one for me...only to change my mind and pick up another. My mind changes like that...just roll with it I'm a girl.
In the end, I was very satisfied with my color, as I would have been with any of the other colors. Strangely to say, I actually felt at peace with one of my decisions for once.
Flash back to the beginning of senior year where I was faced with the biggest decision yet.
COLLEGE.
Thousands of schools all over the United States and the grand decision was up to me.
Oh shoot...you mean this girl right here who can't even pick a color for her manicure without fretting? Yep.
Oh shoot...you mean this girl right here who can't even pick a color for her manicure without fretting? Yep.
There were the big schools, small schools, state schools, Christian schools, far-away schools, community schools, party schools...the list goes on for miles and I felt like my head was ready to explode. At the time, I had no clue yet that I deeply wanted a college with a stronger Christian atmosphere than I had in my high school (which was pretty much was non-existent).
As I began to move deeper and deeper into the college application process and narrowed it down, I began to worry.
Worry that my choices weren't lining up with what God wanted for me. I began to think, what if my desire for a Christian school is selfish and God wants me somewhere else to live out His will? What if I make the wrong decision and I set out on a path I am not supposed to be on?
Then a very wise girl that I met throughout the process supplied my heart with some valuable advice.
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." -Isaiah 30:21
So...you mean as long as I try and listen for God's voice, signs and promptings then I will be moving in the right direction for my life? 'Yes, Taylor you will', God seemed to say.
And so I listened. I listened hard and the long list of colleges didn't seem to be getting any shorter.
I began making playlists on iTunes entitled "thinking" and would literally sit in the library listening to music as I prayed and waited for God to provide me with guidance. Yes, I am that cool.
Before this though, I thought for a few months I was destined for Wheaton, which didn't end up working out when I was placed on the waiting list. Dream canceled.
I thought Trinity could potentially be it for me after feeling so comfortable and spending much of my senior year there until I did an official visit and knew it wasn't for me. Dream canceled.
I thought maybe I was supposed to go far away at a school like Baylor to get a good Christian education then the fear of being so far set in. Last dream cancelled. Where was I supposed to go from here? Am I destined to live in a box ?
Then I went on a church retreat which exploded the fear I had bubbling inside of me.
A night service made me doubt my decisions and question whose ways I had been following all along. My heart was torn. I no longer knew where I belonged and whether I was even capable of making a decision for God. This season of my life had stretched me in so many different directions and I felt hopelessly lost.
I was in need of some guidance and clear signs that God was even listening. And that's when my dad suggested I go back to visit Hope. I simply laughed.
"Not for me!" I would say with a chuckle.
Let me tell you something...I had basically set my mind against Hope the entire year, convinced I was destined for somewhere else...until I went back for a real visit.
Hope had been sitting right in front of my face for so long and I had simply overlooked it. It had every element I was looking for
1. Real Christian atmosphere
2. Small, liberal arts school
3. The people were unbelievable friendly/nice
4. Good education
It had nearly everything I had been searching the country for and it was there all along...? Really, God? Am I really that blind and oblivious?
A friend of mine, Kristin, once gave me advice that I still remember. We were talking about it last night at Starbucks and I happened to be the one to turn around and give her some of her own advice she had given to me months before.
The main point is that no matter what path you choose, God will use you in some way if you let Him. There is no "one right path" that you fall off and destroy your future in Him as long as you strive to follow Him. Needless to say, no matter which school I would have picked, it wouldn't have ever been a failure in God's eyes. He knows exactly where I am going to take my next step and every last detail that my future holds. He has created a plan for each of us long before we take our first breath.
{ "I was with you in the valley
And up upon that hill
So I take just one more step infront of you
For I am with you still, you still..." }
Something I have really learned this summer is that although we may think we know best, God's way are high above anything we can fathom. Sometimes the answer is hiding beneath the surface, waiting for us to wake up and see it was there all along.
Every dead end we come across is a bridge to something else in God's plan. Every rejection is simply leading you to a different season of life. Every relationship that dies is a stepping stone to something else, something you won't see unless you let go.
Sitting here on my last day before leaving for college, I can confidently say I think God had a purpose for me here in this place. Yes, I strongly disliked high school, felt left out sometimes and lost a few relationships but it brought me right here, right now. Those hurdles were shaping my heart and opening my eyes up to something beyond my knowledge at the time. I learned so much through every single one of those experiences and I truly feel that the people I have met in the past years have been put there for a reason. To help, to encourage, to love and to cherish.
And as i write this last blog here in Glenview, I am amazed at how my life is growing into something more, into something lived for something so much greater. It's completely imperfect but it's completely amazing. A deep love has grabbed my attention, held me at my weakest and given me hope no matter where it may lead; pushing me to live life helping others move forward, as well as myself.
And so the time has come, my friends. It is time to finally move on to the next chapter of life. After years of anticipation, it is finally time to close the book on middle school and high school. Time for the real deal!
I love all of you for reading this and for so many of you in the way you have supported, loved and inspired me daily. Thank you for helping me get this far, you are amazing. No experience is going to be perfect but it can be personally yours. God is going to great things with you if you decide to let Him lead your heart. Good luck to every one of you starting a new life, the best is yet to come.
Life lesson of the year: You can shine brighter than you know. You matter in this world, in the world God created for us to love.
-So shine on everyone :)
"Shine on, shine on and onto something new.
It's long and over due, I will remember you.
Shine on, shine on and let the others see You got
your victory..."
-Needtobreathe
Then a very wise girl that I met throughout the process supplied my heart with some valuable advice.
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." -Isaiah 30:21
So...you mean as long as I try and listen for God's voice, signs and promptings then I will be moving in the right direction for my life? 'Yes, Taylor you will', God seemed to say.
And so I listened. I listened hard and the long list of colleges didn't seem to be getting any shorter.
I began making playlists on iTunes entitled "thinking" and would literally sit in the library listening to music as I prayed and waited for God to provide me with guidance. Yes, I am that cool.
Before this though, I thought for a few months I was destined for Wheaton, which didn't end up working out when I was placed on the waiting list. Dream canceled.
I thought Trinity could potentially be it for me after feeling so comfortable and spending much of my senior year there until I did an official visit and knew it wasn't for me. Dream canceled.
I thought maybe I was supposed to go far away at a school like Baylor to get a good Christian education then the fear of being so far set in. Last dream cancelled. Where was I supposed to go from here? Am I destined to live in a box ?
Then I went on a church retreat which exploded the fear I had bubbling inside of me.
A night service made me doubt my decisions and question whose ways I had been following all along. My heart was torn. I no longer knew where I belonged and whether I was even capable of making a decision for God. This season of my life had stretched me in so many different directions and I felt hopelessly lost.
I was in need of some guidance and clear signs that God was even listening. And that's when my dad suggested I go back to visit Hope. I simply laughed.
"Not for me!" I would say with a chuckle.
Let me tell you something...I had basically set my mind against Hope the entire year, convinced I was destined for somewhere else...until I went back for a real visit.
Hope had been sitting right in front of my face for so long and I had simply overlooked it. It had every element I was looking for
1. Real Christian atmosphere
2. Small, liberal arts school
3. The people were unbelievable friendly/nice
4. Good education
It had nearly everything I had been searching the country for and it was there all along...? Really, God? Am I really that blind and oblivious?
A friend of mine, Kristin, once gave me advice that I still remember. We were talking about it last night at Starbucks and I happened to be the one to turn around and give her some of her own advice she had given to me months before.
The main point is that no matter what path you choose, God will use you in some way if you let Him. There is no "one right path" that you fall off and destroy your future in Him as long as you strive to follow Him. Needless to say, no matter which school I would have picked, it wouldn't have ever been a failure in God's eyes. He knows exactly where I am going to take my next step and every last detail that my future holds. He has created a plan for each of us long before we take our first breath.
{ "I was with you in the valley
And up upon that hill
So I take just one more step infront of you
For I am with you still, you still..." }
Something I have really learned this summer is that although we may think we know best, God's way are high above anything we can fathom. Sometimes the answer is hiding beneath the surface, waiting for us to wake up and see it was there all along.
Every dead end we come across is a bridge to something else in God's plan. Every rejection is simply leading you to a different season of life. Every relationship that dies is a stepping stone to something else, something you won't see unless you let go.
Sitting here on my last day before leaving for college, I can confidently say I think God had a purpose for me here in this place. Yes, I strongly disliked high school, felt left out sometimes and lost a few relationships but it brought me right here, right now. Those hurdles were shaping my heart and opening my eyes up to something beyond my knowledge at the time. I learned so much through every single one of those experiences and I truly feel that the people I have met in the past years have been put there for a reason. To help, to encourage, to love and to cherish.
And as i write this last blog here in Glenview, I am amazed at how my life is growing into something more, into something lived for something so much greater. It's completely imperfect but it's completely amazing. A deep love has grabbed my attention, held me at my weakest and given me hope no matter where it may lead; pushing me to live life helping others move forward, as well as myself.
And so the time has come, my friends. It is time to finally move on to the next chapter of life. After years of anticipation, it is finally time to close the book on middle school and high school. Time for the real deal!
I love all of you for reading this and for so many of you in the way you have supported, loved and inspired me daily. Thank you for helping me get this far, you are amazing. No experience is going to be perfect but it can be personally yours. God is going to great things with you if you decide to let Him lead your heart. Good luck to every one of you starting a new life, the best is yet to come.
Life lesson of the year: You can shine brighter than you know. You matter in this world, in the world God created for us to love.
-So shine on everyone :)
"Shine on, shine on and onto something new.
It's long and over due, I will remember you.
Shine on, shine on and let the others see You got
your victory..."
-Needtobreathe
No comments:
Post a Comment