Dear True Love

"Dear true love,
I'm a writer without any words,
I'm a story that nobody heard 
When I'm without you.
I am a voice,
I am a voice without any sound.
I'm a treasure map that nobody found
When I'm without you.
Dear true love,
I'm a lantern without any light,
I'm a boxer much too afraid to fight
When I'm without you.."
-Sleeping at Last


"Love Me. Trust Me. Seek Me.."

All along, You whispered. You yelled, I closed my ears and pretended I was listening. You tapped me on the shoulder, I refused to turn. And yet here I find You.

On my knees, filling my soul, widening my gaze, placing a burning fire within me that has rained down more joy upon my life than ever before. Opening my heart up to You fully and completely You have begun the healing process, speaking Truth to crash over my wounds in healing waves. You have spoken and I have chosen to listen.

"Silence, be still My child.."
Why is this so hard for me as a Christian to swallow? Do I really believe that I can save this world or even myself?

You have brought me from a constant state of motion to a standstill. Stopping mid-stride, You whisper for me to put my hand over my heart. Your Kingdom purpose beats through my veins and pushes out the weeds. You clear me out, bringing me to my knees to be emptied and blessed with more fullness than I could imagine.

Lord, You are so unbelievably faithful.
Oh, how I see it now and continue to be humbled by Your love flowing through my heart like a river.
Mercy and grace drenching my small existence from every angle, quenching my thirst.

You have silenced my voice and are teaching me the art of trusting You, of letting You in. You are revealing to me how to enter into Your rest, to lay at Your feet and wait expectantly for the voice of the Savior to speak me into motion. 

You consistently turn Your face upon this unworthy and undeserving girl who needs to be bound to Your heart daily. You constantly lavish grace that abounds in the depths of my heart.

You beckon me forth.
Deeper into Your Kingdom's cause, my passionate flame for this bleeds deeper than anything I have ever experienced in my 19 years on this earth. You are allowing me to shine into this world Love Himself who has brought me out of the pit of emptiness and into the fullness of grace.

I am deeply astounded, Lord. I worship and praise because Your love satisfies every piece of who I am.
I want to chase this cross with everything I am for everyone around me to know the Love that chases after them every single day.  God, just as You long for me, You long for them.

You fill my lips with words of splendor and truth,
You script adventure in between the day to day schedule,
You shine out of the depths of a heart renewed 
You grant me the privilege of shining You every step of my journey.
Thank You, Jesus. 

For unanswered prayers, 
for answered prayers, 
for leading me in my weakness,
for trying times that break me down,
for equipping me in Your Truth as You lead me,
for the mountaintop moments of Your praise,
for being humbled into seeing my own frailties and limits,
for loneliness that set me to seek You and know You more, 
for beautiful friendships singing of Your Truth and praise,
for the blessing of serving children and showing them Your compassion, 
for the privilege of being disciplined and sharpened by Your words,
for being refined by Your flame, 
for finding daily there is so much more of You to behold every single day,
for the immense blessing of blessing others with the radical love that has been shown to me,
for the joys of sharing a relationship that deepens, grows, and tests me every single day,
for revelations You give that rock my heart, leaving me smiling up at You.

Your plans and thoughts for me and for every person reading this outnumber the skies. You desire to give us Your person in fullness sending Your Holy Spirit to crash down upon us and fill every inch of our lives. You have a divine jealousy for our hearts, our minds, our very souls. May we give it to You joyfully and freely-knowing when we have the courage to come with empty hands You will shower and lavish our lives with more of You than we could ever dream of.

You, Lord, are everything I could ever ask for...and so much more. 
Be My love, My divine purpose, My best friend, and the Leader of my life.

Wonder

Warm honey glow,
Dripping from sky lights,
Pouring onto the path before me,
Blinded I step into motionless time.

Scripted affection in the sky beckoning,
tugging my heart onward beyond the rough,
dreams caressing the waves to stillness.

Behold,
Eyes slowly widen,
the glittering air of wonder,
a whispered dream of glory.

A hope my story longs to sing of,
A kingdom my heart longs to touch,
to know,
to grip with the depths of my soul.

All that I am for all that You are.

Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.  Psalm 119:18

Clings to Dust

Sweep away the sting of dust in my sight,

The colored illusions of glass stained by human hands,

Tainted and bent,

Only to refract shards into the depths of the soul.

Softly, I breathe in color.

Crimson and emerald bleed through window panes,

Overarching brilliance housing my soul for but a moment.

Ground breaking beneath the weight,

Radiance pressing in from all angles.

To wind its way through stones of old,

To silence my doubts,

Transparency shining heaven,

illuminating a thin veil.

Fullness,

Oh the purest of dreams,

The essence of glory eclipsing my soul.

Consuming my desires.

Beckoned to step into this whisper of the heart

buried in the caverns of my soul.

Blinded eyes drenched in glory,

Abandoned to transcendence,

Throwing the chains off of my heart,

Freedom anchors my soul.

Seized from the pull,

The touch of emptiness,

Roused from slumber,

I am pulled to stand in praise.

Drawn to the throne of perfection,

King of Kings, heart of my heart.

Scales peeled back,

Dust released,

Swept into the winds of illusion.

Visions radiate,

Emanating from the source,

An assurance of beyond.

A curtain is drawn as buildings crumble,

Burning truth unveiled,
Reality my soul knows all too well.

Eclipsed by glory

A soul awakened to fly, 
desiring to stretch, 
to be more
tugged backwards in reverse.

This is something that has pressed and tugged at the edges of my heart over the course of the past year. The weight of the world at times breaking through, pushing into the corners of my soul and causing it to ache for the brokenness surrounding me at all angles.
The beauty of His brilliant light upon me in stark contrast with the hurt and emptiness outside of His love. And as these feelings settled heavily upon my heart, I found truth that cut through.

"His letters are weighty and strong, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech of no account..."-2 Corinthians 10:10

We are delicate.

How often do we overlook how fragile we are, how easily hurt, how undeniably frail we are? We overlook it to such a point that we believe we are capable of more on our own than we actually are. 

"But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God has assigned to us, to reach even to you. For we are not overextending ourselves as though we did not reach you...We do not boast beyond limit in the labor of others.  But our hope is that as our faith increases, our area of influence among you may be greatly enlarged so that we may preach the gospel in lands beyond you..."Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.  For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends."
-2 Corinthians 10:10, 13-15, 17-18

My presence on this earth, at this school, in my life, in this world is weak.  It is fleeting and as quickly spent as the wind.  The strength I have to offer is my testimony of Christ yet how often do I try to take things in to my own hands, believing I can solve someone's life or fix a situation?  My words fall completely flat if not infused with the breath of Jesus yet how often do I jump the gun? How often am I quick to fill the gap with my own personal advice instead of allowing room for the Spirit to speak through me boldly and powerfully?

Speaking truthfully I am so unbelievably broken and as I ponder the purest beauty and purpose He has offered me thus far I have nothing other to boast in but the cross of Christ.
Yet despite this, our souls are inclined towards dust, to the empty pursuits of our own hearts.

"My soul clings to dust, give me life according to your word." 
-Psalm 119:20

We cling to our abilities, our gifts, our strengths, and can so easily lose sight that these things are mere dust in light of who Jesus is. Easily broken we are by a world full of heavy things we would never be able to moderately "fix" or "solve" on our own.

Jesus has not assigned us with the task of saving the world.
He has not even assigned us to save ourselves because He knows. He knows how unbelievably weak we are because He made us. He knows that healing, renewal of His hands that dives our wounds and makes us new, is solely in the strength and might of His hands.

I believe to grow strong we must be wrecked and brought down hard on our knees before Him.
Ever since this summer, I have been struck day after day by the sin that works its way through me, even coming to invade even things with the best intentions.  With sin thrown up in your face, weakness consistently raw and exposed, we finally reach a place where we see how undeniably we thirst for Him alone. 

We are to grieve for the brokenness around us...yet not in the worldly sense.  Strapping the burden of this world to your back, your knees buckle and you stumble.  Glancing up from the ground you are met by the eyes of a Savior who is begging you to lay it down at the foot of the cross and to rest, begging you to give it over. 

"As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us." -2 Corinthians 9

He does not grieve for you in this because it brings you to depend and rely on Him.  In the end you do not lose anything, but gain a deeper trust and relationship with Him.

"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment!...So although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong, but in order that your earnestness for us might be revealed to you in the sight of God. Therefore we are comforted." 

-2 Corinthians 7:10-13

When we are humbled to see our limits, He rejoices. To pour our heart, mind, soul, inner struggles, and self into our relationship is all that He desires.

In "Mighty Wave" Sarah Reeves sings, "So I'll pour my tears in the ocean. And I'll leave my pain by the shore. With your mighty wave you'll sweep them away, till they are no more."

His grace is an ocean stretching beyond the horizon and sweeping out to the edges of our reality.  As tears slip out and threatens to overwhelm, it abounds.  This joy He has set in our hearts for the cause of eternity abounds to overflow inside of us. Sweeping our hurt away, He allows us to face brokenness so that we develop an earnest and true desire to give it all over to Him alone.  

Hands lifting up the afflictions to be healed, made new with the dawn of the morning.
Afflictions eclipsed by the beauty of a Savior who in faithfulness gives us the freedom to take things into our hands so that we come to find and know Him more.  It is in the end we know with resounding certainty that Jesus is Healer and Lord of all. 

To walk before you in faithfulness, with all my heart, and all my soul is my desire (1 Kings 2:4). 

Pulled in the opposing direction,
my soul is tugged and met with resistance. 
My eyes fixate upon the burning Light 
beaming upon my face,
drawing me gently to clear out,
to lay it all down.