Eyes on Me

"Let your gaze be directly forward and your gaze be straight before you.  Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure." -Proverbs 4:25-26

"Taylor, keep your eyes on me, I am all you need."


This is what I feel God whisper to me when I feel doubtful every time my eyes stray from the cross and I decide to make this life my own.  


My mind races through the next four years of college, different friendships in my life I don't feel I have done enough in, people God has put on my heart,  keeping up with classes, searching for and wanting to fulfill God's will for my life, finding a man who loves Christ more than I do, and living the best life that I possibly can to serve and shine for God here.  


Look at Peter. Believing in God He steps off of the boat and as he sees the wind, fear takes over and he sinks.  Sounds like a lot of our own stories, right?


He could have sunk deeper but then Jesus stretches a hand out to him to save and says, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31)


In essence, I am Peter.  Part faithful and trusting yet part fearful and doubting.  I believe wholeheartedly in Jesus and when He calls, I get distracted.  Whether it is a storm in my life, maybe a problem, a person, or an overwhelming fear unearthed by the world,  I sometimes question Him.  Blindly stepping out of the boat, I need to learn to keep my eyes fixed straight ahead for the world will try to sway me. I may be shaky but that is enough for Him as long as I shatter the fears to reach Him.  Taking the first step towards Him is enough because we learn that is what our faith entails.  We will never accomplish great things for God unless we take that first initial step.  Martin Luther King Jr. says, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." 


In Kisses for Katie, she explains how God loves us knowing we are fearful and wants us to carry His work out anyways in the best way we can saying, 
"You are Peter.  God already knows that you will make a mess, but His plan for you is great. Go. Feed His sheep."


And this is where I find myself at the foot of the cross.  Stained and broken like Peter, I find a love that rescues me from myself and redeems me.  He summons me to answer His call.  


Isaiah 43:1 says, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."


No matter what I do, nothing brings me to God but Christ who took it upon himself to rescue me.  To rescue someone who will continually turn away from Him, mess up, fall away, but that will strive to love Him with everything that she has.  Ephesians 2:8 says "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God."


I find myself resting in the fact that the running, the moving, and chase for perfection I sometimes chase is empty.  Christ already paid the cost and the cross is enough for me.  It fills me up and brings a calm to the storm that looms.  


1 Corinthians 1:18 says, 
[ For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who don't believe but for those who do believe, it is the power of God .]


I want a vision for my life shaped by Christ alone.  I want to learn complete trust in Him.  I want to rest in knowing that I am in inadequate but through Christ, I can shine into the hearts of those around me. 


I give my life completely to You.  Take the reigns because I cannot do this on my own.  Take it from my hands  I am merely a vessel for whatever You desire of the life and possibilities stretched out before me. I am not my own for I have been bought with a price.  Even when I find myself inadequate in Your sight, You remind me whose I am.  


Relying on what I can see to affirm my future will only leave me empty.  
Phil Wickam sings, "The world behind me, the cross before me; No turning back, no turning back..." 


In following Christ I surrendered a love of the world to strive towards the fullness of life in the cross before me.  In keeping my eyes fixed on You alone, I will find that nothing else matters but a life devoted to You no matter how many times I look away. I can't do this by myself because You are what I need to fulfill my call here.


"Lead me because I can't do this alone..." 
                                                           -Sanctus Real

"...Daughter, your faith has made you well..."-Mark 5:34

Story of Radiance: Out of the Dust

"I am concerned with a certain way of looking at life which was created in me by fairytales but has since been ratified by mere facts..." -G.H. Chesterton


Woven together so skillfully and creatively, my heart was captured every time. 
Out of the dust, the treasured beauty was restored and unveiled in the fairytales I loved so dearly.  Deep down, I secretly dreamed of playing a part in something that amazing.  


Little did I know that I already was.


Reading an incredible book called Waking the Dead by John Eldredge, I began to realize why I was so taken with fairytales.


It was the transformation. Magic unearthing true authentic beauty to shine. And isn't this the story of our lives? Beauty there all along, simply veiled and hidden.  


The Bible explores the ultimate veiled truth in this life.

2 Corinthians 4:3-6 says, 

"And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ."

God has given us the ultimate promise of Christ and yet so many of us continue to live our lives moving through days as if they were burdens.  Caught in the fog of the every day, we have been blinded.  We don't even stop to recognize who we are, where we're headed, and how limited the time we have is.  We say we believe the words written in the Bible yet don't take them to heart. Why not?


We're all just trying to get by, get from point A to point B, be practical, make ends meet, simply survive.  Fairytales? Psh, please.  We're lucky if we get through the day without falling asleep from pure emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion...isn't that kind of sad?


I am by no means saying that you need to drop the bills you're paying, quit your job (even if you hate it), or drop out of college.  We live in a world where we need to do the every day things to continue and press on.  What I am trying to get across is that there is so much more to your story than those things.  That is merely the surface of your life not the meat of it.


God wants you to have life to the full.


[I came that they may have life and have it abundantly]
-John 10:10 
  
In a way doesn't it seem sometimes that our lives reflect the opposite? Monotony, lack of enthusiasm, lack of hope, or straight up fear of the future?


We know that a great life is possible and we yearn for it deep down but can't seem to reach it on our own.  Our hearts veiled by distractions, disappointments, set backs that continually repress notions of the life that the Bible promises for us.  Our hearts have been taken out.


Your veil could be threaded and woven with criticism of others and even of yourself. 
Your own reflection could be whispering lies.  
You have strayed too far, you will never be something, that you are destined to walk an empty road alone.  


Lies. We've become accustomed to them for so long that the strong shield of faith once protecting our passionate hearts is slowly being brought down in surrender to the world and into the acceptance of mediocrity.  


In Kisses for Katie, Katie Davis writes, "When I imagine God creating each one of us and planting a purpose deep in our hearts, I never imagined that purpose being mediocrity."

Mediocrity in the dreams we settle on.

Mediocrity in our careers.

Mediocrity in a routine relationship with God.

Mediocrity in empty love in dating relationships.

Embracing mediocrity in all of this, we accept a story less than the one we are meant for.  


Eyes clouded, we must look heavenward otherwise our heart can be stolen.  Our role can be lost.


"By taking out your heart, the enemy takes out you, and you are essential to the Story," John Eldredge writes. 


We mustn't lose heart in the midst of our fog for we are told something beautiful.  

"Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."
-Psalm 34:5


Radiant are those who follow Him, seek Him, those who love Him, those who look to Him in hope and faith.  Knowing God means believing in His words of hope.  Believing them to be true not just for everyone else but for yourself makes your story a radiant work of His hand.  


This is where you will find your story turned around. By embracing His plan, you will find your purpose and your very own critical role weaved into the ultimate Story.

Dr. Rick Warren says, "You are not an accident.  Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He wanted you alive and created you for a purpose.  Focusing on yourself will never reveal your purpose.  You were made by God and for God, and until you understand that, life will never make sense.  Only in God do we discover our origin, our identity, our meaning, our purpose, our significance, and our destiny."

Living life with a shrouded heart, you will never find the answer or fulfillment you're searching for . You don't hold the key to the abundant life, God does.  He extends His hand to anyone willing to take it and this holds true for every single one of us.

Attending a college worship night, I was reminded of a truth.  It doesn't matter where you've been, how far gone you seem to the world, where you wander to, how deep of a pit you dig for yourself.  God's grace is stronger and farther reaching than that.  He has the power to raise a life from the pits onto a rock, to give us that firm place to stand when waves crash against our souls to knock us off our feet (Psalm 40:2).

Gungors song "Beautiful Things" explores this transformative idea.

"You make beautiful things out of dust...You make beautiful things out of us...You make me new, You are making me new..."

I have seen this restoration. God's complete transformation of the heart.  

Turning a lost sheep of His into someone completely found in Him, life finally begins to make sense.  Drinking, drugs, hook-ups...it all loses appeal when exposed in the harsh lighting of God's truth.  Pain of the past can be shaken off and healed when we allow Him into our hurt. With the eyes of the heart enlightened, true clarity will be found (Ephesians 1:18).  The beautiful face of Grace who breathes life to dust makes each of us into something beautiful (Genesis 2:7). 

We are a new creation in Him, something grand created for a divine purpose.

Out of the dust, the darkness, the emptiness He brings us to stand in the light.  Into the beauty of His love, we now stand with full hearts ready to embrace our great role in His story.

C.S. Lewis pokes fun saying, "You thought you were going to be a decent little cottage but He is building a palace.." 

And this is what God does with you.  

A modest cottage into a palace of beauty.  

Someone asleep for many years transformed into a person awakened by love. 

A simple maid transformed into a princess.    

Mere dust into the crown jewel of Christ.

 


God is forever reaching out to us because He loves us and wants us to you He has chosen a role.  You have a part to play that impacts not only you but those around you and the coming Kingdom.  He has planted a deep rooted purpose in the core of your soul that you will only find when you seek Him with your whole heart and set out on the journey of this life with Him at your side (Matthew 7:7).


God may have you destined to be a famous author one day reaching millions but doubt and insecurities tear at your confidence in your writing and so you simply stop.
You might be set to be the president of a non-profit fighting for an issue of justice in this world that needs mending yet you doubt you have the courage to lead others and choose something easier.
You may have a deep set passion for missions overseas but fear and criticism from family or friends are holding you back from taking that step of faith and you choose a desk job you despise.


The thing is, you can miss God's will for your life if you aren't careful.


Katie Davis writes, "And if I remain comfortable. the God who loves us unconditionally will continue to love me anyway...I may still see His glory revealed in my life and recognize His blessings, but not like I could have.  I can miss the will of God."


Don't miss the amazing story God has written for you.  Do not settle.
Each one of us can do amazing things for this world if we begin trust in Jesus above this world and ourselves included.  We must believe in the Story He is weaving for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).


Stirring your heart to rise from the ashes into the light, your story is transformed and restored into one of great hope and not of sorrow.  
A story crafted by the Author beauty.
This is the magic found in fairytales but also the potential for your life within the greater Story unfolding all around if you'd only open your heart and lift your eyes to truly believe it.   

Prone to wander.

"Help me to win my endless fears , You've been so faithful for all my years. With one breath You make me new, Your grace covers all I do..."

[Jeremy Camp]

It's rising up in me again. That paralyzing fear.

Unrelenting waves of fear that grip my heart in all its mounting strength and steals the breath from my lungs. 

  

Imagine yourself coming back from a long trip, suitcase in hand as you open the door, and someone comes up to you to see if you want to play make-believe. You know now those were surface beliefs.  You aren't going to go get your dress-up clothes and toys from the garage now that you know it isn't real.    

[The prison-house is the world of sight, the light of the fire is the sun]

                                                                                -Plato's "Allegory of the Cave"

This is how my beliefs have shifted.  Once enthralled by a glittering world of material and selfish pursuits, I have caught a frightening glimpse of the barren landscape of empty living. The world that I once saw through shrouded eyes has been unveiled to reveal the truth of Christ's Kingdom and His mission here.  I can finally see what real Christians are fighting to expose deeper than this present reality so many of us covet.  I have found myself faced with the blinding truth revealed in Scripture becoming deeply convicted and unable to turn away from Jesus as I watch in pain as a world blurs right by Him.  

Satan hits me with truth that I live in a world that has fallen.  He continues to highlight the minority I am a part of in devoting myself to Christ.  Nobody around me seems to grasp the immense urgency, the seriousness, the pained outlook on this world that I have developed as my faith grows. Not many understand the fulfillment I get when God grants me the privilege of leading people away from brokenness and one step closer to Jesus by His power.  He has been revealing the absolute truth and nature of what is important in the daily life I lead and future that I desire as I seek Him (Matthew 7:7).  

No, many will continually tell me to bring my head back down to earth, and talk endlessly of the empty surface things.  Forget about the lost. Worry about your dreams, your future.  Not everybody can be perfect and Christian. Move on. You're going to have to accept the way things are and adapt.  There's a lot of crap in this world and you can't help everyone.  

I find myself sinking deeper into this worldly thinking and questioning if following Jesus all out is too extreme for a girl of eighteen years still struggling to discover her place in this world.  I find myself slowly taking some of my eggs out of my "God basket" and placing them back in my own.  That'll be safer right? Maybe settling for good rather than the best is okay.

For all of the times I have confidently affirmed in the core of my soul that God has a man out there to spend the rest of my life with, I find myself falling once again back into doubt and lack of trust in God's plan and provision.

What if I never meet the man of God that I dream and hope for?  What if I meet them and they're never available? 

What if I become so consumed in my career that I miss the opportunity to meet someone and its too late?

What if I end up struggling, alone, and unfulfilled because I strayed from the path God intended?

What if worldly influences shape me and dull the fiery passion for Jesus that I carry?

I have felt completely alone at times.

I am so blessed to have the support in faith that I do, but something in my soul cries out for more.  This hole can only be filled and satisfied by God yet I continually blame it on other things.  Some people in my life understand the way my life focus has shifted towards living out Christ's love to the lost.  Some are simply confused by why I would spend my time and all of my energy on that. Some see the sin in our society for the evil that it is and attempt to restore.  Others remain blind to the fact that so much of the evils have been disguised as culturally acceptable ways of this world.  I have seen that Satan disguises as an angel of light as does much of the sin present in our lives (2 Corinthians 11:13-15).  

My response to that will be that I will live my life.  Except I will live my life in Him for He is the only way, truth, and the life that leads me on (John 14:16). 

The world does not seem to accept a life lived in honor of the One who created it, but hey, that seems a bit much right?  Living to honor the reason you're alive.  Crazy, I know.

I have found myself lost in this place where lies seem to be everything.  The rough foundation paved over by more lies, a roof caving in, walls cracked and peeling, and floors breaking.  Surface things are not only a part of this life, but life itself.  Materialism, drinking, parties, money, fame, empty living.  I find myself sometimes more frustrated than content at the end of many conversations, Facebook log-ins, realizations about the world because I feel utterly helpless as I sit here watching it all happen silently.  Shining God's light into this hopelessness can seem like "emptying the ocean through an eye dropper" as Katie Davis writes in "Kisses for Katie".  This can leave you broken if you let it gain footing in your life and allows you to believe the lie that your existence carries no weight. 

If Christ is working things together for the good of those who love and trust in Him, what about those who unknowingly threatening to tear those who do love God from the place we stand in faith?  Will they be shielded from slipping and falling?

I am fearful they will win because my weakness flares with every step I take away from the cross. 

Relying on my own power, I am a sheep attempting to take on wolves that snarl  and threaten to break down the gates of a fragile heart. 

Matthew 10:16 says, “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."  

This is how I feel.  Armed with the truth of Christ I stand, yet my knees shake and tears flow when I am faced with the overwhelming and daunting task of courageously seeking Jesus with all that my soul has to offer.  It may mean standing up to friends who are in the wrong, confronting, taking an other worldly stand.  It will mean laying down my life to take up the one I'm meant for otherwise I cannot call myself a follower of His (Luke 14:26).  It will mean speaking and acting on the kind of truth that will transform but shall begin with a sword (Ephesians 6:17).  It will mean stepping out of the boat with eyes fixed wholeheartedly on the Savior who beckons for me, all of me.  To follow in faith, casting off fear and doubt of this world to step into the unknown.

 "Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.“You of little faith,” he said, 

“why did you doubt?” [Matthew 14:29-31]

I doubt all of the time, God knows this of me.  I give way to fear as my foundation slowly cracks no matter how many times I plant my feet firmly in the ground and Christ reminds me of my place in Him.  Since writing the blog "Fuel to my fire" two days ago, the tides have turned revealing the nature of my human heart.  Tossed into turbulent seas, hearts will stray.  They will wander, doubt, worry for their own safety, taking focus off of Jesus.     

.  

In the past few weeks, he has been playing into weaknesses and wounds I have carried for many of the years of my life and I find myself brought back.  

Lack of trust, rising doubts, lingering fear. I see it all as I take a good long look at my life.  As my eyes stray from the cross, I stop dead in my tracks.  How can I even for one moment step away from Jesus, the shining Light of my life?  How can I be lost in trivial pursuits when You are all that matters and the reason I was placed here was to love You? Then I see myself through His eyes.

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love; here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

I am prone to wander.  The very verse that has sparked compassion in my heart for the lost 

this year has spelled out the very clear reality that I am one of them. 

Matthew 9:36 says, "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."

How ironic that I would pridefully believe I was above that.  That God wouldn't need to rescue me once again because I was forever fixed on Him. 

I am not the "special" Christian who has it all figured out and stand rock solid in my faith no matter what life brings me.  I am not the one who shines before my family and friends every day the light and love Christ calls me to because I fall short.  Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." I am prone to doubt, prone to fear, prone to sin, prone to judge, prone to wander.

Yet despite all this, with eyes fixed on myself, I look up to meet the eyes of a God who loves me anyways.

He who longs to bring me back no matter how many times I turn away and try and do things my way.  The God who pursues me anyways.

I will hold high the name of Christ.  I shall walk by faith and know His ways are higher. I will trust in Him and cling to Him as the world tries to overshadow my true and divine purpose in this world.  

Fear and Christ cannot both hold places in my heart.

I choose Him.

[Well I will walk by faith even when I cannot see. Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me...]

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, 

the conviction of things not seen." 

[Hebrews 11:11 ]

Fuel to my fire

".. My desire, is burning with the fire You sparked..If I didn't have Your hand if I couldn't look into Your eyes. Jesus if Your love's the fuel then I'm the desperate flame that's screaming out Your name..."


Be with them God, please be with them.  Watch over them, guide them, show them they're not alone.  Walk with them, love them, keep them from harm Lord. Please God, they don't see it yet.. 


I find this prayer a common one in my daily life as my path intersects with person after person who walk this life alone.


I find myself praying it over my friends, sometimes strangers, who are still simply going through the motions, unaware of the light peaking through the dark cover of this life.


My heart breaks as I see the underlying pain and how their hearts have accepted the ways of a broken society and made them their own.
My heart shudders to think of the things they have seen and cannot erase.
My heart aches when I think of the words and deeds that have wounded them emotionally.


My heart remembers the emptiness of that life.  I lived it.
In the darkest valley walking alone it was a life lived apart from Christ.  Unbearably empty, barren, and bearing no fruit, I walked a straight path into worldly pursuits.  I had no idea of the kind of life awaiting me when God took hold of my heart. I had no idea of the unexplainable hope and joy that fills my soul daily when I serve Him and that is why I press on.  So that others may find Him.


I imagine the situation reversed.
Someone watching me as I speak, taking in the hurt lying inside my eyes, whose heart breaks    with every step I have taken deeper into the darkness.  Someone who gently tries to lead me away from the pain and onto the path of beauty and promise waiting for me.


This is what I would pray for.
I would hope that someone walking with Christ would really see me, beyond the laughter and the jokes, much deeper than that. If I were struggling I would want genuine compassion, someone taking on the heart of Christ to find me in my pain, and to gently point me to the glorious plan I have been created for.  


Seeing so many souls blind to the light, I used to feel weary and broken down.  I believed that I couldn't possibly take on the weight of others' problems from those around me and that my back would break.  That was when I realized that relying on my power alone, I will come up short every time.  Giving freely of my heart and my life in the name of Christ is the only way to receive His blessings and to be filled up  so that I may pour more love into others.


"The more I give of myself, the more He fills me up.  The more I love, the more I love I have to give."[Katie Davis Kisses for Katie]


I began to realize something crucial that I had been missing.  I have been blessed so that I could spread the blessing in love.  I will not be emptied by giving of myself in this way because this is what I have been created for..to love.  As a follower of Christ, we are called to show people the way in love. We are called to love with all we have and to carry the burdens of one another as Jesus carries us.   


Galatians 6:1-2 says, "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently...Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."


It is a privilege to help another person because in doing so, you show them the love of God.  , The love of God is a gift that I don't intend to waste or hide. 


I know what so many people around me do not know even if they have grown up in a church. I know Jesus.
I have felt a love deeper and wider that transforms the life of a girl destined for destruction lifted up by a King out of the pits (Psalm 40:2).
I understand why I'm here and that my only purpose on this Earth is to bring a part of the Kingdom to this world. 


In every one of my friendships, relationships, classes, every day encounters, I've been called to stand up for Christ, to be an extension of His love wherever I go.  I have been blessed that in hearing of the Kingdom of God, the words fell on good soil.  I accepted His truth into my heart and a gate in my heart was opened for a reason. To receive and to shine the truth of Christ in this world and into the lives of every single person Jesus sets in my path.  This is my passion.


Matthew 13:11-13 says,
[To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given. For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. This is why I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand...But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear.]


This awakens my soul to carry the torch higher.  To love deeper and unconditionally so people can glimpse the heart of Christ working to bring them to hope.


Those who live in Christ love like this and hope like this. That is my mission.
I have found the Light. I have discovered the truth and His fire burns through my veins so deeply that nothing of this world can possibly erase a flame so bright. 

Reading "Kisses for Katie", Katie Davis explains the tremendous privilege of being an extension of Jesus despite her hardships and how He has the power to light up the world all on His own, but He decides to use us.

"Jesus can light up this entire nation and my flame can be a part of that.  I am blown away that my God, who could do it all by himself would choose to let little me be a part of it." 

-Katie Davis

It is such a privilege to be an instrument of His, despite the challenges or opposition we come across.  It is worth serving a King. Seeing the darkness at hand, my heart desires nothing more than to be a light for God. For every one of you who is reading this and those I have yet to meet, I live my life to reflect Him.


My flame burns for you so that you may see the depth of Christ and His unending, never ceasing love and desire to know you personally.


In a poem that I wrote for FYS class I wrote:

                                                   [The door of my soul swings open

I feel His burning fire

He directs me to shattered souls all around me

Embracing them, I run onward.

 Carrying the secret,

Illuminating the truth,

Moving through the thorns,

I run. 

Though many choose to stray

I will run to the light

No fear can steal the light from my eyes

now that You have come.]

This mission is serious 

              in a world coated in darkness and lies.

We must use the darkness we see on a daily basis to fuel the passion in our souls for God.  God is winning hearts every single day but He needs us to continue leading lives as examples for others.

With every expectation you see being blindly followed in this world, combat it with God's truth and follow Him as you take up the shield of faith [Ephesians 6:16].

With every cry of despair that echoes in this world, remind yourself of all that Jesus is doing in this world to bring back light [John 8:12].

With every person who stumbles, gently point them back to the path they're meant for. [Galatians 6:1]

[The path has already been prepared.  Follow Christ's lead and He will reveal to you where to go.] 

Mark 1:2 says, "Behold, I send my messenger before your face who will prepare your way."  

[You are no longer a servant of men but of Christ]

Galatians 1:10 says, "If I were still trying to please men, then I would not be a servant of Christ."

The light and good in this world can be increased by passionate souls willing to step into the darkness for Him.  Moving through the thorns we run with every last ounce of strength, passion, and vigor inside of us because we know the love of Christ.  

I won't stop loving, stop speaking truth & wisdom, stop trusting in Jesus, stop praising God because I have seen, I have felt, and I understand who He is and the depth of what that means.


"Your place in the world as God's heart for relationship is vital.  All the Enemy has to do to destroy peoples' lives is to get them isolated, a lamb separated from the flock.  To do this, he removes the ezers in their life...You have been sent on behalf of love, of relationships. Fight for them." -Captivating


I won't give up on those who have strayed from Him because not one single person is too far from redemptive love.  I love those that God sets in my path because God loved us first (1 John 4:19).  I won't give up on them because even in my darkness, Christ never once gave up on me.

The darkness, the pain, the suffering, the brokenness of our world, the unending mercy, abounding joy, reckless love; this is the truth of Christ in a dark world.  

           This is the reason for my desire to show love.  
                      This is the fuel to my fire. 

"I’m gonna sing it like it’s everything to me,
I’m gonna sing it like the deep calling out to deep
I’m gonna sing it like it’s all I’ve got
‘Cause all that I want is to sing for the love of God.."

"Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me." [Colossians 1:28-29]

More for You.

"I am just an ordinary person. An ordinary person serving an extraordinary God." 
                 [Katie Davis]


Every time I feel I am at a good place with God, I remember.  At the throne of Christ,
I come to Him broken, weak, hurting, flawed, desperate, dirty.  All is level ground at the foot of the cross.  


I can always do more no matter how comfortable everybody around me seems with safe, easy lives.  I can withstand opposition or going it on my own because I want more.


I will seek Him harder, run faster in His name, and pour love deeper into the dry roots of this world and never stop looking to Him.   


Reading "Kisses for Katie" about a girl named Katie Davis, I am in awe.
I am in complete awe of the wonder of Jesus' love pouring out of the heart of an eighteen year old to touch and transform the lives of so many.  She is the same age as me and yet, Jesus still called her to change a small corner of the world in His name.


Adopting 13 little children and establishing a ministry, Amazima, she provides an education and food to hundreds while teaching them the love of Christ.  Taking in the lost, the broken, the hungry, the sick, the destitute, she lives out the Gospel in real tangible ways.  She gives them something to drink, something to eat, but beyond that she unconditionally loves with all that she has doing all of these things in the name of Jesus Christ, pointing them straight to His heart as the reason.


Katie demonstrates a branch of the radical life of powerful, transformative love in Christ that we're called to live as we walk in our own faith.  As a believer and follower of God, this inspires me to look at this life with the many gifts that I have been entrusted with to bless others  beyond myself with my love [Luke 12:48].


In the past 6 months of my life, God has shown me the tremendous power that we carry through the spirit of Christ.  


2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and self-discipline."


When I first began trying to understand this verse,  I narrowly applied it to small, insignificant areas of my life like dating, friendship, and my self-confidence.  Not to say these things don't carry any weight, but God wanted me to see more. I was merely scraping the surface of what God was trying to teach me and His lesson stretched much farther than just me.  


For so long, I lived my life waiting for earthly things to fill me up.  
Middle school, I waited. High school, I waited. And entering into college, I found myself at a stand still awaiting someone to press the play button on my life, I anxiously held my breath in anticipation of the "beginning".   


I thought that all this time of waiting was God preparing me for my time to shine (Haha). 
The time where I would be in my element with people just like me, the empty holes in my life finally filled to the brim.  I thought that through various people and experiences, God was simply teaching me the importance of patience and making best use of my time in college as I waited for Him to bless me some more...and that was were I went wrong.  


[ Of the many amazing things that God is, 
                                                       He is not simple. ] 
      
As my eyes slowly adjusted to the new Light in my life, my heart began to grasp the deeper plan I'm meant for. The one I have been called out for.


Luke 1:38 says, "Behold, I am a servant of the Lord.  Let it be to me according to your word."


Sitting here on Christmas, I have realized something.  
When I limit myself and my influence on this world, I limit God.
God has been teaching me all along how to grow into a true friend, a daughter, and a student...but at the core of my identity is a different role. 


A servant of the Lord. 


Although there are different roles that I play in my life, this is the basis of my life that all others move around.  
Being a friend, daughter, and student are merely a piece of who I am but God has created me to be more than this.  He has given me the gift of light in my life so that I can be more.


He has shaped my heart to be on fire for the cause of His kingdom and not in pursuit of a society focused on furthering the beauty of its own reflection and acquiring more stuff.  I have been ignited to live for so much more.


Katie Davis writes, "When I imagine God creating each one of us and planting a purpose deep in our hearts, I never imagined that purpose being mediocrity." 


I believe that God has blessed me to bring light into the lives of my loved ones but something inside of my soul aches for something beyond this, my divine purpose to bring a part of His kingdom on this Earth.  I want to live out my faith in ways that reach farther, stronger, deeper, drawing on the power of Christ to display His love for the world.  


I have been born into this world with only one name written on my soul.
Jesus Christ.  


Passion and love for His name explodes out of my heart and I want everyone to know the love of the One whose grace and mercy is transformative.  Longingly, I have gazed at people throughout history or in our society who have led these courageous lives, taking blind steps of faith towards something they believe in and transforming areas of darkness in our world like I desire to.  

Martin Luther King Jr. 

Mother Theresa

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I look at them sometimes and think: Wow. How amazing and courageous these people were.  


Reading Katie's amazing and humbling story, I see the error in that when I am reminded of how standing a part from Christ, we are dirt.   He is the only One who makes our brokenness into something beautiful and gives us the courage.  There is nothing we could possibly do that would bring us closer to Him no matter how many people we reach in this life.  Even these people whose lives screamed of courage and Christ's love.  We are nothing without Him. 


All of these people had one thing that moved their hearts to action, that made them courageous and that was Jesus Christ. 


Jesus bridges the gap as we put our complete faith in Him.  He makes us courageous, compassionate, loving, generous, and good.  We are made in the image of Him.   He is what makes us into more.


In a journal entry, Katie writes this:


"You are Peter. God already knows that you will make a mess but His plan for you is great.  Go. Feed his sheep."


He knows who we are, yet He lifts us up out of the dirt.  Just as Katie Davis is able to lift a poor and desperate child of Uganda from the red dirt into her arms, God does the same for us.  


Psalm 40:2 
[He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
   out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
   and gave me a firm place to stand.]


My love for You is too great to be kept inside.  Jeremiah 20:9 says, "...his word is in my heart like a burning fire, shut up in my bones, I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot."
You have made me into more and so I will seek that plan Lord.  I will look for that passion that will bring justice.  I will be a shepherd for Your children using and spreading the gifts You've entrusted me with.  There are too many walking without You and crying out for You to waste this life on myself when You call me to lay down my life to follow You home.


One day I will come upon that broken area of this world whether in my hometown or on the other side of this world that will send me to my knees and break my heart like it so breaks Yours. You will awake my soul in that hour and bring me off my knees to stand before You in the light to show me the way.


Through You, I will be more. 


"Let me not be blind with privilege
Give me eyes to see the pain
Let the blessing You've poured out on me
Not be spent on me in vain
Let this life be used for change
I wanna live for you
Go where you lead me
I wanna follow you"


PLEASE check out Katie Davis' organization called Amazima.  It is absolutely amazing the way she is shining Christ's light in Uganda in what she is doing and has done there in the past four years.  Donate to Amazima or purchase a hand-crafted necklace made by a women's group in Uganda that has lifted them out of prostitution, alcoholism, and a life without God into hope.


The site is ---> http://amazima.org/ 


Read "Kisses for Katie". I promise you that you will be challenged to think about your own life and what God is calling you to beyond your comfort zone.  You have the power of Christ, now go do something about it :)