Prone to wander.

"Help me to win my endless fears , You've been so faithful for all my years. With one breath You make me new, Your grace covers all I do..."

[Jeremy Camp]

It's rising up in me again. That paralyzing fear.

Unrelenting waves of fear that grip my heart in all its mounting strength and steals the breath from my lungs. 

  

Imagine yourself coming back from a long trip, suitcase in hand as you open the door, and someone comes up to you to see if you want to play make-believe. You know now those were surface beliefs.  You aren't going to go get your dress-up clothes and toys from the garage now that you know it isn't real.    

[The prison-house is the world of sight, the light of the fire is the sun]

                                                                                -Plato's "Allegory of the Cave"

This is how my beliefs have shifted.  Once enthralled by a glittering world of material and selfish pursuits, I have caught a frightening glimpse of the barren landscape of empty living. The world that I once saw through shrouded eyes has been unveiled to reveal the truth of Christ's Kingdom and His mission here.  I can finally see what real Christians are fighting to expose deeper than this present reality so many of us covet.  I have found myself faced with the blinding truth revealed in Scripture becoming deeply convicted and unable to turn away from Jesus as I watch in pain as a world blurs right by Him.  

Satan hits me with truth that I live in a world that has fallen.  He continues to highlight the minority I am a part of in devoting myself to Christ.  Nobody around me seems to grasp the immense urgency, the seriousness, the pained outlook on this world that I have developed as my faith grows. Not many understand the fulfillment I get when God grants me the privilege of leading people away from brokenness and one step closer to Jesus by His power.  He has been revealing the absolute truth and nature of what is important in the daily life I lead and future that I desire as I seek Him (Matthew 7:7).  

No, many will continually tell me to bring my head back down to earth, and talk endlessly of the empty surface things.  Forget about the lost. Worry about your dreams, your future.  Not everybody can be perfect and Christian. Move on. You're going to have to accept the way things are and adapt.  There's a lot of crap in this world and you can't help everyone.  

I find myself sinking deeper into this worldly thinking and questioning if following Jesus all out is too extreme for a girl of eighteen years still struggling to discover her place in this world.  I find myself slowly taking some of my eggs out of my "God basket" and placing them back in my own.  That'll be safer right? Maybe settling for good rather than the best is okay.

For all of the times I have confidently affirmed in the core of my soul that God has a man out there to spend the rest of my life with, I find myself falling once again back into doubt and lack of trust in God's plan and provision.

What if I never meet the man of God that I dream and hope for?  What if I meet them and they're never available? 

What if I become so consumed in my career that I miss the opportunity to meet someone and its too late?

What if I end up struggling, alone, and unfulfilled because I strayed from the path God intended?

What if worldly influences shape me and dull the fiery passion for Jesus that I carry?

I have felt completely alone at times.

I am so blessed to have the support in faith that I do, but something in my soul cries out for more.  This hole can only be filled and satisfied by God yet I continually blame it on other things.  Some people in my life understand the way my life focus has shifted towards living out Christ's love to the lost.  Some are simply confused by why I would spend my time and all of my energy on that. Some see the sin in our society for the evil that it is and attempt to restore.  Others remain blind to the fact that so much of the evils have been disguised as culturally acceptable ways of this world.  I have seen that Satan disguises as an angel of light as does much of the sin present in our lives (2 Corinthians 11:13-15).  

My response to that will be that I will live my life.  Except I will live my life in Him for He is the only way, truth, and the life that leads me on (John 14:16). 

The world does not seem to accept a life lived in honor of the One who created it, but hey, that seems a bit much right?  Living to honor the reason you're alive.  Crazy, I know.

I have found myself lost in this place where lies seem to be everything.  The rough foundation paved over by more lies, a roof caving in, walls cracked and peeling, and floors breaking.  Surface things are not only a part of this life, but life itself.  Materialism, drinking, parties, money, fame, empty living.  I find myself sometimes more frustrated than content at the end of many conversations, Facebook log-ins, realizations about the world because I feel utterly helpless as I sit here watching it all happen silently.  Shining God's light into this hopelessness can seem like "emptying the ocean through an eye dropper" as Katie Davis writes in "Kisses for Katie".  This can leave you broken if you let it gain footing in your life and allows you to believe the lie that your existence carries no weight. 

If Christ is working things together for the good of those who love and trust in Him, what about those who unknowingly threatening to tear those who do love God from the place we stand in faith?  Will they be shielded from slipping and falling?

I am fearful they will win because my weakness flares with every step I take away from the cross. 

Relying on my own power, I am a sheep attempting to take on wolves that snarl  and threaten to break down the gates of a fragile heart. 

Matthew 10:16 says, “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."  

This is how I feel.  Armed with the truth of Christ I stand, yet my knees shake and tears flow when I am faced with the overwhelming and daunting task of courageously seeking Jesus with all that my soul has to offer.  It may mean standing up to friends who are in the wrong, confronting, taking an other worldly stand.  It will mean laying down my life to take up the one I'm meant for otherwise I cannot call myself a follower of His (Luke 14:26).  It will mean speaking and acting on the kind of truth that will transform but shall begin with a sword (Ephesians 6:17).  It will mean stepping out of the boat with eyes fixed wholeheartedly on the Savior who beckons for me, all of me.  To follow in faith, casting off fear and doubt of this world to step into the unknown.

 "Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.“You of little faith,” he said, 

“why did you doubt?” [Matthew 14:29-31]

I doubt all of the time, God knows this of me.  I give way to fear as my foundation slowly cracks no matter how many times I plant my feet firmly in the ground and Christ reminds me of my place in Him.  Since writing the blog "Fuel to my fire" two days ago, the tides have turned revealing the nature of my human heart.  Tossed into turbulent seas, hearts will stray.  They will wander, doubt, worry for their own safety, taking focus off of Jesus.     

.  

In the past few weeks, he has been playing into weaknesses and wounds I have carried for many of the years of my life and I find myself brought back.  

Lack of trust, rising doubts, lingering fear. I see it all as I take a good long look at my life.  As my eyes stray from the cross, I stop dead in my tracks.  How can I even for one moment step away from Jesus, the shining Light of my life?  How can I be lost in trivial pursuits when You are all that matters and the reason I was placed here was to love You? Then I see myself through His eyes.

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love; here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

I am prone to wander.  The very verse that has sparked compassion in my heart for the lost 

this year has spelled out the very clear reality that I am one of them. 

Matthew 9:36 says, "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."

How ironic that I would pridefully believe I was above that.  That God wouldn't need to rescue me once again because I was forever fixed on Him. 

I am not the "special" Christian who has it all figured out and stand rock solid in my faith no matter what life brings me.  I am not the one who shines before my family and friends every day the light and love Christ calls me to because I fall short.  Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." I am prone to doubt, prone to fear, prone to sin, prone to judge, prone to wander.

Yet despite all this, with eyes fixed on myself, I look up to meet the eyes of a God who loves me anyways.

He who longs to bring me back no matter how many times I turn away and try and do things my way.  The God who pursues me anyways.

I will hold high the name of Christ.  I shall walk by faith and know His ways are higher. I will trust in Him and cling to Him as the world tries to overshadow my true and divine purpose in this world.  

Fear and Christ cannot both hold places in my heart.

I choose Him.

[Well I will walk by faith even when I cannot see. Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me...]

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, 

the conviction of things not seen." 

[Hebrews 11:11 ]

Fuel to my fire

".. My desire, is burning with the fire You sparked..If I didn't have Your hand if I couldn't look into Your eyes. Jesus if Your love's the fuel then I'm the desperate flame that's screaming out Your name..."


Be with them God, please be with them.  Watch over them, guide them, show them they're not alone.  Walk with them, love them, keep them from harm Lord. Please God, they don't see it yet.. 


I find this prayer a common one in my daily life as my path intersects with person after person who walk this life alone.


I find myself praying it over my friends, sometimes strangers, who are still simply going through the motions, unaware of the light peaking through the dark cover of this life.


My heart breaks as I see the underlying pain and how their hearts have accepted the ways of a broken society and made them their own.
My heart shudders to think of the things they have seen and cannot erase.
My heart aches when I think of the words and deeds that have wounded them emotionally.


My heart remembers the emptiness of that life.  I lived it.
In the darkest valley walking alone it was a life lived apart from Christ.  Unbearably empty, barren, and bearing no fruit, I walked a straight path into worldly pursuits.  I had no idea of the kind of life awaiting me when God took hold of my heart. I had no idea of the unexplainable hope and joy that fills my soul daily when I serve Him and that is why I press on.  So that others may find Him.


I imagine the situation reversed.
Someone watching me as I speak, taking in the hurt lying inside my eyes, whose heart breaks    with every step I have taken deeper into the darkness.  Someone who gently tries to lead me away from the pain and onto the path of beauty and promise waiting for me.


This is what I would pray for.
I would hope that someone walking with Christ would really see me, beyond the laughter and the jokes, much deeper than that. If I were struggling I would want genuine compassion, someone taking on the heart of Christ to find me in my pain, and to gently point me to the glorious plan I have been created for.  


Seeing so many souls blind to the light, I used to feel weary and broken down.  I believed that I couldn't possibly take on the weight of others' problems from those around me and that my back would break.  That was when I realized that relying on my power alone, I will come up short every time.  Giving freely of my heart and my life in the name of Christ is the only way to receive His blessings and to be filled up  so that I may pour more love into others.


"The more I give of myself, the more He fills me up.  The more I love, the more I love I have to give."[Katie Davis Kisses for Katie]


I began to realize something crucial that I had been missing.  I have been blessed so that I could spread the blessing in love.  I will not be emptied by giving of myself in this way because this is what I have been created for..to love.  As a follower of Christ, we are called to show people the way in love. We are called to love with all we have and to carry the burdens of one another as Jesus carries us.   


Galatians 6:1-2 says, "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently...Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."


It is a privilege to help another person because in doing so, you show them the love of God.  , The love of God is a gift that I don't intend to waste or hide. 


I know what so many people around me do not know even if they have grown up in a church. I know Jesus.
I have felt a love deeper and wider that transforms the life of a girl destined for destruction lifted up by a King out of the pits (Psalm 40:2).
I understand why I'm here and that my only purpose on this Earth is to bring a part of the Kingdom to this world. 


In every one of my friendships, relationships, classes, every day encounters, I've been called to stand up for Christ, to be an extension of His love wherever I go.  I have been blessed that in hearing of the Kingdom of God, the words fell on good soil.  I accepted His truth into my heart and a gate in my heart was opened for a reason. To receive and to shine the truth of Christ in this world and into the lives of every single person Jesus sets in my path.  This is my passion.


Matthew 13:11-13 says,
[To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given. For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. This is why I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand...But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear.]


This awakens my soul to carry the torch higher.  To love deeper and unconditionally so people can glimpse the heart of Christ working to bring them to hope.


Those who live in Christ love like this and hope like this. That is my mission.
I have found the Light. I have discovered the truth and His fire burns through my veins so deeply that nothing of this world can possibly erase a flame so bright. 

Reading "Kisses for Katie", Katie Davis explains the tremendous privilege of being an extension of Jesus despite her hardships and how He has the power to light up the world all on His own, but He decides to use us.

"Jesus can light up this entire nation and my flame can be a part of that.  I am blown away that my God, who could do it all by himself would choose to let little me be a part of it." 

-Katie Davis

It is such a privilege to be an instrument of His, despite the challenges or opposition we come across.  It is worth serving a King. Seeing the darkness at hand, my heart desires nothing more than to be a light for God. For every one of you who is reading this and those I have yet to meet, I live my life to reflect Him.


My flame burns for you so that you may see the depth of Christ and His unending, never ceasing love and desire to know you personally.


In a poem that I wrote for FYS class I wrote:

                                                   [The door of my soul swings open

I feel His burning fire

He directs me to shattered souls all around me

Embracing them, I run onward.

 Carrying the secret,

Illuminating the truth,

Moving through the thorns,

I run. 

Though many choose to stray

I will run to the light

No fear can steal the light from my eyes

now that You have come.]

This mission is serious 

              in a world coated in darkness and lies.

We must use the darkness we see on a daily basis to fuel the passion in our souls for God.  God is winning hearts every single day but He needs us to continue leading lives as examples for others.

With every expectation you see being blindly followed in this world, combat it with God's truth and follow Him as you take up the shield of faith [Ephesians 6:16].

With every cry of despair that echoes in this world, remind yourself of all that Jesus is doing in this world to bring back light [John 8:12].

With every person who stumbles, gently point them back to the path they're meant for. [Galatians 6:1]

[The path has already been prepared.  Follow Christ's lead and He will reveal to you where to go.] 

Mark 1:2 says, "Behold, I send my messenger before your face who will prepare your way."  

[You are no longer a servant of men but of Christ]

Galatians 1:10 says, "If I were still trying to please men, then I would not be a servant of Christ."

The light and good in this world can be increased by passionate souls willing to step into the darkness for Him.  Moving through the thorns we run with every last ounce of strength, passion, and vigor inside of us because we know the love of Christ.  

I won't stop loving, stop speaking truth & wisdom, stop trusting in Jesus, stop praising God because I have seen, I have felt, and I understand who He is and the depth of what that means.


"Your place in the world as God's heart for relationship is vital.  All the Enemy has to do to destroy peoples' lives is to get them isolated, a lamb separated from the flock.  To do this, he removes the ezers in their life...You have been sent on behalf of love, of relationships. Fight for them." -Captivating


I won't give up on those who have strayed from Him because not one single person is too far from redemptive love.  I love those that God sets in my path because God loved us first (1 John 4:19).  I won't give up on them because even in my darkness, Christ never once gave up on me.

The darkness, the pain, the suffering, the brokenness of our world, the unending mercy, abounding joy, reckless love; this is the truth of Christ in a dark world.  

           This is the reason for my desire to show love.  
                      This is the fuel to my fire. 

"I’m gonna sing it like it’s everything to me,
I’m gonna sing it like the deep calling out to deep
I’m gonna sing it like it’s all I’ve got
‘Cause all that I want is to sing for the love of God.."

"Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me." [Colossians 1:28-29]

More for You.

"I am just an ordinary person. An ordinary person serving an extraordinary God." 
                 [Katie Davis]


Every time I feel I am at a good place with God, I remember.  At the throne of Christ,
I come to Him broken, weak, hurting, flawed, desperate, dirty.  All is level ground at the foot of the cross.  


I can always do more no matter how comfortable everybody around me seems with safe, easy lives.  I can withstand opposition or going it on my own because I want more.


I will seek Him harder, run faster in His name, and pour love deeper into the dry roots of this world and never stop looking to Him.   


Reading "Kisses for Katie" about a girl named Katie Davis, I am in awe.
I am in complete awe of the wonder of Jesus' love pouring out of the heart of an eighteen year old to touch and transform the lives of so many.  She is the same age as me and yet, Jesus still called her to change a small corner of the world in His name.


Adopting 13 little children and establishing a ministry, Amazima, she provides an education and food to hundreds while teaching them the love of Christ.  Taking in the lost, the broken, the hungry, the sick, the destitute, she lives out the Gospel in real tangible ways.  She gives them something to drink, something to eat, but beyond that she unconditionally loves with all that she has doing all of these things in the name of Jesus Christ, pointing them straight to His heart as the reason.


Katie demonstrates a branch of the radical life of powerful, transformative love in Christ that we're called to live as we walk in our own faith.  As a believer and follower of God, this inspires me to look at this life with the many gifts that I have been entrusted with to bless others  beyond myself with my love [Luke 12:48].


In the past 6 months of my life, God has shown me the tremendous power that we carry through the spirit of Christ.  


2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and self-discipline."


When I first began trying to understand this verse,  I narrowly applied it to small, insignificant areas of my life like dating, friendship, and my self-confidence.  Not to say these things don't carry any weight, but God wanted me to see more. I was merely scraping the surface of what God was trying to teach me and His lesson stretched much farther than just me.  


For so long, I lived my life waiting for earthly things to fill me up.  
Middle school, I waited. High school, I waited. And entering into college, I found myself at a stand still awaiting someone to press the play button on my life, I anxiously held my breath in anticipation of the "beginning".   


I thought that all this time of waiting was God preparing me for my time to shine (Haha). 
The time where I would be in my element with people just like me, the empty holes in my life finally filled to the brim.  I thought that through various people and experiences, God was simply teaching me the importance of patience and making best use of my time in college as I waited for Him to bless me some more...and that was were I went wrong.  


[ Of the many amazing things that God is, 
                                                       He is not simple. ] 
      
As my eyes slowly adjusted to the new Light in my life, my heart began to grasp the deeper plan I'm meant for. The one I have been called out for.


Luke 1:38 says, "Behold, I am a servant of the Lord.  Let it be to me according to your word."


Sitting here on Christmas, I have realized something.  
When I limit myself and my influence on this world, I limit God.
God has been teaching me all along how to grow into a true friend, a daughter, and a student...but at the core of my identity is a different role. 


A servant of the Lord. 


Although there are different roles that I play in my life, this is the basis of my life that all others move around.  
Being a friend, daughter, and student are merely a piece of who I am but God has created me to be more than this.  He has given me the gift of light in my life so that I can be more.


He has shaped my heart to be on fire for the cause of His kingdom and not in pursuit of a society focused on furthering the beauty of its own reflection and acquiring more stuff.  I have been ignited to live for so much more.


Katie Davis writes, "When I imagine God creating each one of us and planting a purpose deep in our hearts, I never imagined that purpose being mediocrity." 


I believe that God has blessed me to bring light into the lives of my loved ones but something inside of my soul aches for something beyond this, my divine purpose to bring a part of His kingdom on this Earth.  I want to live out my faith in ways that reach farther, stronger, deeper, drawing on the power of Christ to display His love for the world.  


I have been born into this world with only one name written on my soul.
Jesus Christ.  


Passion and love for His name explodes out of my heart and I want everyone to know the love of the One whose grace and mercy is transformative.  Longingly, I have gazed at people throughout history or in our society who have led these courageous lives, taking blind steps of faith towards something they believe in and transforming areas of darkness in our world like I desire to.  

Martin Luther King Jr. 

Mother Theresa

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I look at them sometimes and think: Wow. How amazing and courageous these people were.  


Reading Katie's amazing and humbling story, I see the error in that when I am reminded of how standing a part from Christ, we are dirt.   He is the only One who makes our brokenness into something beautiful and gives us the courage.  There is nothing we could possibly do that would bring us closer to Him no matter how many people we reach in this life.  Even these people whose lives screamed of courage and Christ's love.  We are nothing without Him. 


All of these people had one thing that moved their hearts to action, that made them courageous and that was Jesus Christ. 


Jesus bridges the gap as we put our complete faith in Him.  He makes us courageous, compassionate, loving, generous, and good.  We are made in the image of Him.   He is what makes us into more.


In a journal entry, Katie writes this:


"You are Peter. God already knows that you will make a mess but His plan for you is great.  Go. Feed his sheep."


He knows who we are, yet He lifts us up out of the dirt.  Just as Katie Davis is able to lift a poor and desperate child of Uganda from the red dirt into her arms, God does the same for us.  


Psalm 40:2 
[He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
   out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
   and gave me a firm place to stand.]


My love for You is too great to be kept inside.  Jeremiah 20:9 says, "...his word is in my heart like a burning fire, shut up in my bones, I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot."
You have made me into more and so I will seek that plan Lord.  I will look for that passion that will bring justice.  I will be a shepherd for Your children using and spreading the gifts You've entrusted me with.  There are too many walking without You and crying out for You to waste this life on myself when You call me to lay down my life to follow You home.


One day I will come upon that broken area of this world whether in my hometown or on the other side of this world that will send me to my knees and break my heart like it so breaks Yours. You will awake my soul in that hour and bring me off my knees to stand before You in the light to show me the way.


Through You, I will be more. 


"Let me not be blind with privilege
Give me eyes to see the pain
Let the blessing You've poured out on me
Not be spent on me in vain
Let this life be used for change
I wanna live for you
Go where you lead me
I wanna follow you"


PLEASE check out Katie Davis' organization called Amazima.  It is absolutely amazing the way she is shining Christ's light in Uganda in what she is doing and has done there in the past four years.  Donate to Amazima or purchase a hand-crafted necklace made by a women's group in Uganda that has lifted them out of prostitution, alcoholism, and a life without God into hope.


The site is ---> http://amazima.org/ 


Read "Kisses for Katie". I promise you that you will be challenged to think about your own life and what God is calling you to beyond your comfort zone.  You have the power of Christ, now go do something about it :)

He is the miracle.

Splitting the stormy skies of desperation full of the cries of man, the weeping of the lost and hungry, and the echoing of the broken-hearted, something in the air changes.
Coming on clouds of fire, our hope has come.
Our miracle has arrived.
Placed in a manger so sweetly, the Lord lays.  Brought into the brokenness so that the chains could be shattered.


I know you're hurting.  We all are.
In different ways, the brokenness has seeped into the crevices of our lives and made the pieces difficult to fit together no matter how hard we try.  We run but the jagged edges catch us when we move through our days hopeless and alone.


The voices of different people in our lives and even our own inner voice can deepen the hurt.
They make us forget.  It can blind our eyes to the miracle waiting to comfort us and show the way.  The distractions dampen our passions and our God-given dreams and we listen to them and doubt, unable to grab hold of the miracle meant for us.


Reaching into the skies, we grab for something solid to hold on to and in desperation try to fill the void inside with empty things, blind to the only One we truly need.
Jesus Christ.
The One who can make us whole and heal a life of pain physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally.
The miracle that has come.


He is the miracle for you.  God sent His only son to be born on this Earth, to live for us, and to die for us so that we would live.  This is what we are celebrating and yet with every passing year, we grow accustomed to the traditions, the church services, and forget who Christ is and what that means for our lives.


"Surely, not me, He would never want me", you think.  Jesus can't heal me and make me new...
but He can.  The cross is a symbol that you are worth it.


"You are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see you're something beautiful
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see
That you're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you
Are someone worth dying for..."




The healing you are need of may not be physical but spiritual.  You're in need of His grace to enter the darkness.




Picture going through your life in utter darkness.  Blinded, you cannot see the light.  You cannot experience the sweet smiles of the ones you love, take in the beauty of the clouds and the sky.  You cry out to Jesus' healing in a shaky step of faith and He touches your eyes. He grants the gift of sight.


"Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you”; and their sight was restored." (Matthew 9:29-30)

The color returns, the beauty restored.  Your eyes can finally see the world again as your heart drinks in the sights surrounding you.  His glory floods your soul and fills you to the brim.


Imagine now a beloved person in your life has died.  Deep pain has taken your heart and then you hear of of a Healer.  Desperate, you seek him out and beg for healing on the lost life of your daughter.  He makes his way and as He is going into the ruler's house, Jesus sees her and speaks.


"Go away, for the girl is not dead but sleeping." And they laughed at Him.  But when the crowd had been put outside, he went in and took her hand, and the girl arose" (Matthew 9:24-25).


This is what Jesus does for us here and now.  
Reignites our sight to see and experience His glory and shifts our vision to focus on the beauty of who He is.  
Awakes our souls to rise out of the pits we make for ourselves and to truly live.  


We embrace the light with hearts on fire for the only One who can save us.
His miracle draws us gently to our knees while we let His light take us in.  


[ Fall on your knees, Oh hear the angel voices, Oh night divine, Oh night when Christ was born.  Oh night divine, oh night, oh night divine, Chains shall He break, For the slave is our brother and in His name all oppression shall cease...]


My prayer is that this Christmas the hope of the Savior lights your eyes and is a reminder of the beauty to come. I pray His love will raise your life out of the depths to walk alongside Him in your journey through the valleys of your life.  
He is the miracle and He has come for you. 

As we sing: stepping into the streets

"And as our melodies resound, we cannot hear the silent cry this world is screaming out.."-Leeland 
                                 


Drowning my thoughts, my heart's desires blind my vision and dampens my passion for Christ.  The selfish dreams take over and I'm left to listen to the melodies of my own making in place of the cries of God's children. 


It can be painfully easy.  
Think of how many times you count your blessings and thank God for what He has given you.  Skating over the surface of my life, I come face to face with a clear realization that God has blessed me beyond my comprehension...but those blessings are meant to be used for others.


He's blessed me relationally.  
My relationship with God has become the central blessing in my life where all other blessings spring from.
My relationships with friends have inspired, encouraged, supported, and uplifted me in more ways than I can explain in words. 
My family has always been my biggest supporter since the day I came into this world through everything in my life.


He's blessed me with health.
I am a happy, healthy 18 year old. What more could I possibly ask for? Without health, life would be extremely challenging and people deal with debilitating diseases, cancer, and life threatening illness every single day.


He's blessed me educationally
I go to an amazing school where I can learn to be a better person in this world and equip myself to change it.


He's blessed me physically; meeting my needs for shelter, food, and water. 
Access to food whenever I want, a warm bed, water.  My basic needs are met and then some and yet I take these things for granted and expect them on a daily basis.


Listening to a sermon on the life of Mary, my pastor, Steve Gillen, delved into the traits of a blessed life by the standards of the world versus by God.  Mary was not given things our society would deem valuable.


Mary was a woman of God called to lay down her comforts and her dreams for Jesus at the throne of God.  Her courageous submission to God's will demonstrates her servant attitude and recognition of the fact that the blessings given to her by God were meant to be shared with others and not kept to herself.


 [Luke 1:38 says, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”]


I could avert my eyes away from the hurting in fear and hold in the love God has instilled in me to keep to myself and be safe..  My eyes could remain fixed on my own reflection in the mirror instead of looking into the crying eyes frantically looking for someone to notice, to care, to love them. I choose a different path for my life.


Instead of waiting for someone else to do something this Christmas, I wanted to make a difference for someone even if it's simply giving away a lunch and some water.  


"Stopped at a red light, looked out my window, I saw a cardboard sign, said “Help this homeless widow” and just above that sign was the face of a human. I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”... -Matthew West


So many times, we pass by.  
We pretend not to see, not to feel the presence of another person's broken heart crushed on the side of our paths.  A living, breathing, thinking human being made in the image of God who needs someone to see them, but we become desensitized after seeing it so many times or better yet, we're so focused on ourselves we ignore it.   


I have begun praying this year for God to give me His eyes so that I can see the pain I unknowingly skim over in my daily life.  I can't afford to miss something that important anymore.  


It can be so easy to go to church and praise Him for how amazing He has been in my own life.  We can sing those amazing songs in honor of God but as we sing, millions are in need.
Physically, emotionally, spiritually, they are in need.  


It is our duty to fight the current of a selfish society to meet those needs.


People on your campuses, in cities like Chicago, in your neighborhood, in your church, in homeless shelters, on the side of the road...these people need you to care.
God is calling you to care because He cares and wants people to know how deeply He loves each one of us. 


To experience the life we are meant for, we need to step outside of ourselves.
We need to reshape our vision for this world to fit the lens of Heaven and to grow into the brand of people that can muster the courage to change it instead of sitting on the sidelines.


"When I awake that day in glory, Your love will light the city streets and we won’t need our songs of longing.  We’ll be a symphony of peace, Brothers and sisters, we’ll be free, Thank God Almighty, we’ll be free..." 
-Manifesto


Close your eyes and imagine,
a world where everyone is fed, peace reigns, and violence ceases.  This is a glimpse of God's Kingdom that is coming.


Are you someone fighting to make this a reality or have you accepted that things will always remain this way for people who are in pain?
Why are you waiting even another moment when we have the power God has given us to touch others?  


[2 Timothy 1:7]
"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."


And so this is a thank you from the bottom of my heart for everyone who came out last night and today.  You fed a lot of people today and beyond that, you showed them they were noticed and that someone cared about them even if indirectly.  


Thank You,

                { Matthew 25:40 }

[Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.]

Thank you to everyone who came last night to my dad's house to pack lunches and bring supplies!! You guys helped make everything such a success and I am grateful for everything every single one of you did to make this happen.  We went through 7 + loaves of bread, 5 jars of peanut butter, 3 + jars of jelly, and a heck of a lot of plastic bags!

Nikolai, Cristine, and your family,

Thank you so much for your passionate spirit and love for God today.  You shined God's love in the way you served today.  You all have so much joy and it's contagious.  I am truly appreciative of all you and your family did today. 


David, thank you for being the leader for our group, leading prayer, and taking charge.  It's been awesome seeing you grow and step out in your faith this year.


Hannah,
Thank you for coming out from Naperville to serve with me.  It means so much to me that I got to share it with you and I have loved getting to know you this year at Hope!! Pump that plastic! 


Megan & Amelia, 
Thank you so much for coming! I really appreciate that you guys decided to come and helped out so much.  It was awesome to see God at work in our group and when Amelia and David helped the elderly lady up the stairs...so cool :)


Justina, Raya, and Stephney,
Thank you so much for taking a day out of your break to serve! Thank you Stephney for bringing the cookies and the pins-those were great additions to the lunches :). You three did such a great job serving and it was awesome to see you guys helping out people in need.


I have learned an important lesson in the past 6 months.
Praising God with words is amazing but what about backing up those words with action taken by faith?  This world is wounded and singing and talking about the pain will not bring darkness closer to the light.    


"We keep singing
But just a song won't heal
The bleeding wound
Church wake up
We’re sleeping in an empty tomb..."


May we wake up to the cries of a world in need of our love and also knowledge of God's love .
God is alive in us if we allow faith in Him to shine in our actions.  Let us step into the streets to meet those in need with eyes fixed on their needs, extending ourselves to be His loving hands and feet to those in need through the actions we take.