Authentic Beauty in Christ: Self Confidence

"I wish I was her..."


"Man, I wish I looked like that.  She is effortlessly gorgeous..."


"I want to be perfect.."


I'll be honest with you. This was completely me.  Looking back, it sounds totally stupid...but that was how I was.


Obsessing over every small detail of "perfection" on someone else, I would become frustrated.
I would see the beauty in every single person around me and then when I chose to turn the mirror around on my own reflection, all I would see were flaws and brokenness. 


I would see pain within the eyes of a girl who felt unworthy, unloved, and broken.
I would blame my loneliness on a lack of beauty.


Here and now, I am done.
I am so done.


I don't want to dwell so heavily on the external when all that God cares deeply about is the state of my heart.


[1 Samuel 16:7]
"God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”


I can see this now and the reason I am so driven to write on this is simple.
I was that girl. That girl whose confidence was in the gutter. The one where the compliments people gave me were sharp knives.  I was her.


I know some of you reading this right now are dealing with this or have to a certain degree because you have told me...and to the rest of you I know you are out there as well.
My message to you is that you are not alone.  There is hope in finding confidence but it is not found in self-help books, any amount of flattery, or in consuming more garbage in the media. 


Hope rests with Jesus Christ and His promises.


I have come to a conclusion that the self-image issues of women will never fully evaporate.  They will always linger because Satan is quick to tear us from our place of confidence in Christ.  There will be days where you feel like nobody could break through your solid feelings of self-worth and hope, and others where the shield of faith will be cracked by Satan.


I have made a decision.  
If my life is to be lived for the honor of God, then my old ways must be thrown away to reveal who I am meant to be.


"I have decided, I have resolved to wait upon You, Lord." -Hillsong


I am done obsessing over beauty, 
obsessing over outward appearance. 
In essence, it would mean being obsessed with myself.  That is not how I want to lead my life and I know that is not what God desires for any of us. What sense does it make to obsess over these trivial things when there are people right in our own surroundings in desperate need of your love and attention?  When there are people crying out for God on opposite sides of the world? 


We so often choose to silence what we know God is pressing us towards and choose to reject His word, seeking our own lies.


"....how long shall my honor be turned into shame?
   How long will you love vain words and seek after lies?
But know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
   the Lord hears when I call to him..." -Psalm 4:2-3


Waiting upon God does not include a life of selfish vanity and seeking after lies...no, I have had enough of that life. 


I want to be somebody known for the love they show others, not how much pain I go through to be an image of perfection that the media paints in our minds.

Media today deeply disgusts me and bothers my soul.

Size zeros. Porcelain skin. Airbrushed bodies. Where is God in this? 

Nowhere. Because NOBODY is real. 

...and this is what we pay to see and consume? Yes!?

This is the reason why so many girls have self-confidence issues.  Heck, this is part of the reason why I had self-confidence issues.  Hollywood has presented to us the "ideal" woman and man on a nice silver dish and we happily gobble it up with almost every television show we watch, movie we pay to see, and magazine we choose to flip through.

Girls are looking to people like Kim Kardashian as their "hero"...and that's not a good sign.  Looking to someone who is seemingly transfixed by their own face in the mirror and how to gain more material luxuries and comforts for themselves with every million dollars they earn hardly seems like a shining role model I would want my daughter to have one day.

I want to be known for the type of friend that I am.
I want to be known for the type of leader God is shaping me to be.
I want to be a girl who makes God proud in the way that I lead my life.
I want to be someone whose beauty is seen when Christ is visible in my actions, deeds, words, and relationships.


I want people to see a reflection of Christ in me.  I want that to be what reflects back at me in the mirror and gives me confidence and strength to live a life of radical love.


In striving solely for external beauty, you will come up with a temporary fix and then you will move on to your next "flaw to fix".


-In redirecting your life to the beauty of Christ, you will find the beauty you have always searched for, just not in the way you expected-


Encountering Christ draws out a spirit of patience, a spirit of love, a spirit of courage, a spirit of peace, and confidence in the amazing person God has made you to be.


If you are striving to win the attention of a boy or girl with the allure of physical appearance, I can tell you right now it's not gonna end well for either of you.  Sure it may catch their eye but is beauty enough to hold them, to captivate them?


A famous quote says,"It's beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart." 


To captivate another, shine who you truly are.  That is when you will meet the right person.  There is not a better lesson I have learned than not to pretend.  Do not morph your personality, your clothing choices, music preferences, or way of living for another person. 


When the right person comes along, they are going to love you for YOU.  They are going to love you for your kindness, your generosity, your patience, your heart.
Not for the pretending or outward appearance but for how God has uniquely created you to be.

I am the girl who goes through gum like nobody's business.

I talk more than a mile a minute when I'm excited.

I redo my nails just about every other day when I get bored and I love sparkles.

I eat abnormally healthy for an 18 year old in college.

I drink coffee and eat peanut butter like it's my job...and have about 2-3 jars in my fridge.

I love hearing people's testimonies because God is AMAZING.

I believe that relationships are God's second greatest gift to this world after Jesus :)

I make CDs to inspire the ones that I love.

I connect with worship music on a very deep level and it moves me. 

I exercise just about every day because it clears my head and eliminates stress.

I strive to live my life as an offering to Christ and I believe He calls us to a new standard of living.

This is me. Not a manufactured blonde barbie doll with a fake grin plastered on, pearly whites gleaming or the latest Victoria Secret model, but me.

I am broken, I am weak, I am flawed, yet God calls me beautiful because of who he has made me to be. I am going to have days where my confidence will be lowered by the world but I know that His power has overcome the world.  God has counted me worthy of serving Him and that is where my joy springs from, where my hope is found.

Confidence will radiate if you begin to see yourself through the eyes of God and His moving within you.  
Remember this- shining your light allows others to follow suit.  


This year at Hope I have been blessed to encounter girls with true authentic beauty and the brand of beauty that only comes from a confidence in Christ and not materialistic things of this world.


To all of you, you have inspired me to re-fix my eyes to the One who is truly beautiful.  
The one who has the power to transform my suffering, my pain, and provide me with the inspiration to seek and to live in love with Him.   


My prayer for all of you girls at Hope, in Chicago, or where ever you are, is that you begin to see yourself as God sees you, truly beautiful and treasured by the only One who matters.  As for the guys, I pray you can begin to see the spirit of strength, courage, and power God has gifted you with and let that lead your confidence forward.  


May God blaze a path of beauty for each and every one of you. 
Shatter that mirror of self-doubt and instead fix your sights on the God of love who longs to show you how precious and how beautiful you really are to Him.

"The Lord your God is with you...He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:1