I may be weak

Weakness.

How do you define it?

Soft spots, failures..?

My weaknesses are not something I ever felt proud of...

In fact, I became good at skillfully concealing areas of weakness with a forced smile and an "I'm fine" for the majority of my life.

• Issues with self-image
• Self-doubt/self-confidence
• Unrealistic perfectionism
• Doubting God wanted me happy (good one, right?)
• Taking life too seriously

I could probably go on and on for pages as could many of you in describing weaknesses.  Sitting at coffee with a new friend of mine, Hannah, it hit me yet again how Jesus has come to shine in a lot of my darkest moments and experiences.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

These days, looking back on the difficulties I have faced thus far, I smile.  

Not a typical response right?

The thing is that as I reflect on the darkness that shut me down, I can with clarity see God using those to shape me here and now. To sharpen me into a deeper Christian and someone who can testify to God's healing in those areas of my life.

If I hadn't gone through the pain of feeling like a consistent outsider in my own life,

If I hadn't gone through the deep rooted self-confidence issues,

If I hadn't been hurt or set aside by certain guys in my life,

If I hadn't been hit with friendship losses that cut me deeply,

If I hadn't lost hope in Jesus in certain low points of my life,

then I wouldn't be who I am,

I wouldn't be able to relate to those who have also faced the same or even point to God as I glorify Him for His work in me.

I wouldn't be somebody who could testify to Jesus' healing power in my own life. 

His hand is at work in my life, weaving certain people into my life who have or are dealing with similar struggles.  

My faith may not have grown as much as it has in these past 6 months.

My love for God may have remained stagnant without the challenges I faced because through it all I realized a few critical things...

I need God.

God is not an option for my life.

He is my life.

Not someone I go to at night before bed with a wish list of prayer requests, but the One I run to with my praise, my worship, 

my passion, 

my joy, my sorrow 

my love, 

my life as an offering.

God is so much more than what I made Him out to be.  He was a huge part of my life before I faced the issues but after them, He became my fundamental reason to persevere and my beautiful hope for the work He could do through me. Jesus became my love.

Through our shortcomings God brings light to others by bringing others to Him.

In a book I highly recommend called "Courage and Calling" by Gordon T. Smith, 

he writes,

[ "When Paul speaks of his own weakness, indeed boasts in it and in the glory of God evident in it, he is not speaking of toleration of mediocrity.  Rather, Paul makes clear in 2 Corinthians 12 that his "weakness" is the difficult--the obstacles and setbacks--that is inevitably a part of his ministry.  And clearly it his conviction that this difficulty is the vehicle by which God brings life and grace to others" (145). ]

Hear that?

Our pain has a purpose.

Not only does it bring us closer to God, but it helps us to bring others to Him.

It brings us to a place where we realize that God is our stronghold of salvation and the unshakable rock of our lives amidst the pain that rains down on our lives.

A song I listened to recently sings this:

[ "I may be weak, but Your spirit is strong in me. ]

 -Elevation Worship

You may be weak.

You may be a girl who suffers from the plight of self-image issues,

You could be the parent who struggles to see how they're going to pay their bills,

You might be the guy who always seems to get it wrong with girls,

You may be the one everybody thinks is perfect and has it all together but you are slowly breaking down inside and nobody seems to notice,

You could be the one who doubts their life could ever amount to anything.

God has made it clear, but many of us fail to see it.

[ You may be weaker, but the spirit of God is stronger. ]

The unique story of your life carries moments in the darkness where you feel completely alone and misunderstood and yet these moments can be the ones to change and transform us, the ones that can help you bring others closer to God.

You may be furiously trying to erase the past mistakes and painful memories scribbled in the margins but STOP.  It is not possible and will only leave you frustrated and bitter. 

The whole "time heals all wounds" line also doesn't hold very true in my book...in fact, I think time deepens wounds if you want to know the truth.  Leaving my self-image issues locked up in the confines of my heart, I kept them there untouched and "hidden away" from God all the way from the beginning of middle school through the end of high school.  Sure, I had good days where I would finally feel okay with myself and then Satan would come the next week and assail me yet again with self-doubt.  Only when I unlocked the key to my weakness did God illuminate all of the pent up issues I had shut away in the darkness, sure they would disappear and heal all on their own.  Finally, I could see that all of the attempted erasing, hiding and ignoring only deepened the pain and that God had been trying all along to soften my unwilling heart.

My prayer for you is this,

Dropping the shards of glass of the broken pieces of your life, may you allow His light into your hearts and to shine on you as you glorify God in those areas of weakness in your life.  May you recognize the undeniable power of His grace to change your life and transform your heart into one centered on peace, forgiveness, wisdom, and fullness of joy in place of bitter darkness.  May you boast of your weakness to glorify your Creator and the work He has done in your life.  God, give me the courage to spread this wisdom to everybody around me so when trials come and weaknesses penetrate my confidence, myself and others would stand mature in Christ before God, honoring and glorifying Jesus.  

In Your name, Amen.

God, have your way in us.  
I desire for You Lord to use my weaknesses to breathe the truth of life to others. We may be weak, but we don't have to be strong enough because the God of this world is and always will be. 


Remember that today.
Spread His love always.